Adults sometimes have the tendency to forget to take care of themselves. The first and foremost self-care act one can undertake is to ensure that we have enough sleep. We are exposed to various workaholic CEOs highlighting their choice to be productive at work, over catching the right amount of rest. Very few people benefit from emulating these sleepless elite. Getting enough sleep is extremely important to maintain both physical and mental health.

Adults (25-60) need between seven to nine hours of sleep a night. Do you get at least 7 hours of quality sleep?

The need to rest is evolutionary. Inactivity allows us to conserve energy, repair our mental and physical systems, rejuvenate our minds and bodies, process the events and lessons from the day, and maintain neuroplasticity (the ability to use all parts of our brain to continue to learn). Sleep is essential for adults to optimise their performance when they are awake.

There are various theories regarding the purpose of dreams, but all support the concept that REM sleep (dream sleep) is somehow important. It seems that REM sleep may act towards mental housekeeping – sorting events from short term memory to long term memory, building neural pathways to improve our procedural capabilities (knowing how to perform a task) and process our emotional responses to situations. A good nights’ sleep allows us to tidy away yesterday and face each new day ready to take charge

Lack of sleep compromises one’s ability to concentrate and respond rationally. Mood swings, irritability, problems learning, and increased risk of accidents are all associated with sleep debt or deprivation. When we deprive ourselves of an optimal amount sleep our personal sleep debt accumulates. Hence you may find that you spend the weekend attempting to pay back this sleep debt, and live in a compromised state every other day.

Over the long term, physical ailments occur if you do not receive enough sleep. Conditions attached to sleep debt and deprivation includes diabetes, weakened immunity systems, high blood pressure, lowered sex drive, heart conditions, and mental health issues such as clinical depression and heighted stress responses.

The benefit of achieving the optimal amount of sleep on a consistent basis include living longer, having a stronger immune system, rejuvenation of the skin and beauty, greater creative capabilities, improved productivity and concentration. The world is facing a global pandemic, so we need to be at our strongest to fight off this infection. So, what are you waiting for? Go to bed.

If only it was so easy?

Sleeping issues take time to develop and take time to overcome. A simple solution is to utilise sleeping medications. These medications are usually not intended for long term use as they can be addictive. They are best to help overcome acute sleep problems, is to learn to develop healthy sleep patterns.

Sleep training: the adult edition. Multiple books detail how to train babies and infants to fall and stay asleep. Just as you have to consistently practice sleep practices with children, repetition is important to achieve results with adults. Every time you break healthy sleep patterns (travelling, staying out late, all nighters at work) you may have to start your sleep training again

 

Building better sleep

Step 1: Sleep logs. You want to know what your sleep is like so that you have a baseline. In addition to your bedtime and wake up time, which should give you the number of hours you had at rest, you may want to rate your sleep. You can give yourself a score out of five – 1 point for achieving each of the following:

1 point if you fall asleep quickly – within 20 minutes of going to bed

1 point if you only experienced minor night time waking – you may be aware that you woke up, but fall back to sleep quickly, not need to get out of bed, or check your phone.

1 point if you are aware that you dreamed. You don’t need to be able to remember the content, but only if you had some dreams during sleep

1 point if you slept more than 7 hours

1 point if you woke in the morning feeling refreshed (within the first hour of waking).

Recording the quality of your sleep is as important as the quantity of your sleep.

Monitor for a few weeks whilst you try various other steps

Step 2: set a regular bed time. Having a regular bedtime trains your body to start to wind down in a trained fashion. Go to bed/ sleep at the latest by 11 pm. Try to wake up when you can experience morning light – so in Hong Kong that is around 7am. If you need to wake up at a specific time, plan your bedtime to be at least 8 or 9 hours ahead of that time.

Step 3: minimise stimulants ahead of bedtime.  This doesn’t only mean coffee or cola drinks, this includes screen time, TV, social media. Stop using devices an hour before bedtime. These devices keep your mind awake.  Instead use this time for calming activities

Step 4: Maximise calm activities and a calm routine. Taking a bath, writing in a journal, colouring pictures, drinking cocoa, listening to music, reading in bed, and massaging your muscles start to help your body obtain a resting state ahead of bed, and convey to your mind and body that sleep is coming.

Step 5: Build a nest. A tidy room with minimal clutter, blackout curtains, weighted blankets all enhance the feeling of being settled in bed.

Step 6: Eliminate mental clutter. As you go to bed consider how are you going to clear your mind. If you wake with ideas during the night, keep a pad and pen beside the bed so that you can jot down a prompt for the idea and go back to sleep immediately. Writing a journal before you go to bed is a wonderful exercise to empty your mind of worries gathered during the day. Praying and celebrating what you are grateful for also helps you create a sense of mental calm before you go to bed. For more information on the benefits of journaling see our blog on this issue. ( https://reddoorhongkong.wordpress.com/2017/03/22/six-fantastic-benefits-of-writing-a-journal/)

Step 7: catch up on debts. Sleeping for one single period, at night is a human evolutionary practice created in response to the world of work. In some cultures, and among other species, multiple periods of sleep is the norm. Consider a siesta occasionally, and see if napping is a benefit to you. This may help you catch up on your sleep debt, or help you recharge your batteries.

 

One last note – whilst much of the focus of this article is focused toward achieving enough sleep, there are also health problems related to sleeping too much. Oversleeping can be caused by other health problems, but also contributes to health problems. If you regularly sleep more than 10-12 hours a day please consult your doctor. Oversleeping has been associated with heart disease, diabetes, pain, obesity, depression and sleep apnoea. Too much sleep also impairs your cognitive function, so try to monitor your sleep, and look to set up healthy waking and sleeping patterns.

 

#sleep #mentalhealth  #rest #selfcare #sleepdeprivation #sleepdebt #sleeptrainning #mentalhealthessentials  #reddoor

 

As human begins, we may never have complete control over what we feel, but we do have a lot more influence over how we feel than you might have been told. Adults are expected to be able to manage their emotions – especially strong negative emotions such as anxiety, fear, and anger. Yet all of us have experienced instances where we’ve become overwhelmed with emotions and not felt as if we could control our actions around those feelings. We may in those instances act in a regrettable fashion, not go to an event where we were expected, miss the opportunity to travel, lashed out at a friend or family member.

How do we learn to keep our emotions in check? The key is emotional regulation and learning emotional self- regulation techniques. These skills allow you to manage your emotional reactions to the world. These are the skills of people who respond with emotion to a situation but do not continue to harbour or escalate those emotions beyond the initial expression (except in the case of bereavement where prolonged emotion may be expected). You can assess your self-regulation abilities in online tools (http://sciences.ucf.edu/psychology/myemotions-hxus/) which explains two important components of regulation – your ability to frame and reframe around your emotions (reappraisal) and your tendencies to supress emotion rather than express it (suppression).

If you have difficulty regulating your emotions you may need to utilise short term and longer-term sustainable solutions

 

Short term solutions.

Opportunities to create a quick sense of calm may be helpful to utilise when you are feeling strong negative emotions (https://reddoorhongkong.wordpress.com/2019/03/13/achieving-quick-calm/) including breathing, repeating mantras, drinking water, colouring, journaling, listening to music, counting, exercise and stretching.

One strategy that can help you in the heat of the moment may be to utilise the STOPP tool outlined by psychologist Carol Vivyan. Essentially the STOPP is a mnemonic to remind you to.

S: Pause, take a break, slow down the events that are unfolding

T: take a breath.

O: Observe yourself, the situation, your reactions, your expectations of others.

P: Look at the situation from a matter of perspective – is this really an emergency, is action really required right now, will it be better for you to walk away from the situation or stay engaged.

P: Proceed with caution. Choosing to no react will help maintain your reputation and credibility. Walk away if you can.

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/stopp.htm

 

Sustainable changes for long-term emotional regulation

To deal with to deal with emotional regulation include understanding and labelling emotions, exploring thought patterns, practicing mindfulness and cognitive reframing.  Build long term reflection skills.

Emotional monitoring Emotional monitoring is the backbone of mindfulness study. There are many tools to help people correctly identify and label emotions, whilst separating those that are primary emotions (those that occur immediately in reaction to an event) from those that are secondary – your reactions to the primary emotions, or emotions that linger longer because of thought patterns.

Physical experiences such as tension, butterflies in the stomach, headache, clenched jaw are observed and recorded.  Correctly helping identify the expression and experience of an emotion helps the client associate particular thoughts patterns associated with those emotions, or simply help them notice that they feel emotions they thought they had “lost”. Many people confuse feeling anxious with feeling angry and hence respond by lashing out, rather than behaviours that may help them calm down.

Thought patterns are essential to associate with certain emotions. These thought patterns may have been learnt over many years and may include catastrophising (this is the worst thing ever!), negative comparisons (She is so cool, I am such a loser), and mind reading (see my blog on common thinking errors). Essentially people are taught to catch these thinking patterns in action and reflect upon them from alternative perspectives. They may be asked to keep a log of negative events and how they felt about those events so that they can be discussed in terms of creating a more rational perspective on the situation being reviewed.

Some of the specific tools to assess emotional regulation (such as the CERQ- the cognitive emotion regulation questionnaire) helps to identify the cognitive strategies and thought patterns that people use in situations. As such you can identify the elements and thought patterns that might me making you feel the way you do.

For example, you may have a specific difficulty to blame yourself when things go wrong, or not accept that something bad has happened. You may find yourself caught up in rumination traps, where you cycle through events again and again to understand your feelings and how you got to this point (even if this is not achievable and the situation are the consequence of other people’s decisions or actions). You may or may not be able to refocus or reappraise the situation in a way that helps you overcome feelings (gaining perspective, seeing that this happens to a lot of people not just you, realise this could not be avoided).

Practicing Mindfulness helps individuals become more aware of their thought patterns, their emotions, their reactions, and the thoughts and feelings that they hold about certain events. Being mindful requires individuals to live in the present, not the past or the future. Taking this approach allows them to assess situations more empathetically with less self-judgment. Skills such as learning to observe, describe and be aware of your surroundings are taught, as well as practice assessing situations from a position of no judgement, being observant, and looking for effective outcomes  https://reddoorhongkong.wordpress.com/2017/07/05/the-making-of-a-focused-mind-the-benefits-of-mindfulness-for-children-and-teens/

Once thought patterns and perspectives have been regularly assessed cognitive reframing and discourse can be utilised to teach a new set of responses. When you catch yourself overreacting to situations, ask yourself, could other outcomes be possible, can you be kinder to yourself in this situation, can you show empathy rather than anger. Create a dialogue that helps you look at yourself in a non-judgemental but still accountable manner. Do not use terms such a “should” or “I must”. Instead use language such as “I can”.

In the long term you may like to create long term reflection building tools. These activities help build not only reflection, but stronger mental health capabilities. Remember practice makes progress. These activities include: writing a journal, meditation, therapy with a counsellor, ensuring you have enough sleep, walking and talking to yourself, and of course, sharing your experiences with close friends.

 

There is a lot you can do to better manage your emotions and your reactions. Activities such as self-medication (especially through alcohol), self-harm, and escaping into your social persona through internet addiction, do NOT help. If you have been using these behaviours to help you manage strong emotions try some of the recommendations in this article. If you continue to struggle, please consider therapy. Good luck.

 

#reddoor  #mentalhealthessentials #emotionalintelligence #emotionregulation #mindfulness #mentalhealth #selfhelp #angermanagement #anxiety

Here are 10 techniques to achieve a quick calm when you feel strong negative emotion or feel overwhelmed. 

1.       Take action – go for a quick jog, or perform 20 jumping jacks. Since you have to change your thinking you will find that you can distract yourself from your emotions for, just long enough, to catch your breath and, start to, consider your thoughts.

2.       Repeat a mantra – any quick phrase that reminds you to stay calm. For example, “let it slide off me like water off a duck’s back”. “I am enough”, “Its okay not to be okay”.

3.       Drink a glass of water.  If one glass is not enough, drink another glass.

4.       Counting – count backwards from 100. Simply focusing on another activity creates a break in the momentum of a situation and allows your thoughts to be distracted.

5.       Progressive relaxation exercises. Remove yourself from the situation and work on progressive relaxation tension and release activities. Progressive relaxation soothes the body as you tense and relax muscles – isolating and focusing exclusively on one group of muscles at a time. Begin with your toes, and work up through your muscles to your head, where you may focus on relaxing the muscles around your chin and eyes.

6.       Draw a picture, or colour a picture – draw a picture of your feelings, or of anything. Drawing a picture allows you to catch a breath and engage your creative mind. https://reddoorhongkong.wordpress.com/2017/03/06/reasons-to-colour/

7.       Music – listen to 5 minutes of calming music, or music that cheers your mood.

8.       Stretch – stretch your body out, spend 3-5 minutes releasing tension from your body.

9.       Strawberry and Candle breathing. Close your eyes and imagine yourself holding a strawberry. Breathe in and smell the strawberry. Breath in completely. Then blow out air, like you are blowing out a candle, a steady stream of air. Do this 10 times.

10.   Journal – journaling is an exceptional model to provide self-therapy. Even in a time of strong emotion, writing about your emotions can help you start to solve the situation as you write. You don’t need to share your thoughts.

 

Whilst there is no significant difference between the number of men and women that experience a mental health problem, some mental health challenges are more common in women that in men. These typically include depression, anxiety,  self-harm, eating disorders, and some personality disorders.

RED DOOR, a psychology and counselling practice based in Hong Kong, recently ran a brief survey among English speaking women in Hong Kong exploring the experience of various mental health challenges and issues among that population. Over 120 women responded to this call for feedback. Whilst this is a small number compared to the size of the population, this research is not a measure of prevalence, rather than identifying those issues that are most commonly reported.

The 120 women were asked about their personal experience of mental health issues, their concerns for their children (if they have children) and their overall perception of Hong Kong in terms of being a positive or negative location in terms of supporting/compromising mental health.

 

Comparing good or bad (not including people who said it was neutral) more women rated the experience as BAD for their mental health than GOOD. Many reasons were cited as explanations of HK being challenging to your mental health.

Many of these should be concerning to local government, employers, educators and health professionals.  It seems that HK is seen as a place where people are under a lot of pressure, do not have all the sources of support they may require, but can find alternative self-medicating (drugs/ alcohol) options too easy to pursue. We will continue to explore this area.

 

What mental health issues do HK women experience?

The most common mental health challenges women experience in Hong Kong include feeling overwhelmed, experiencing bad stress, regular sleep disturbances and feeling anxiety. These concerns were experienced regularly or often according to the ratings.

Other challenges experienced occasionally include feelings of poor self-esteem, experiencing sad mood and depression, perfectionism, marital discord, disordered eating, obsessive thought patterns, and consuming more alcohol than advised.

It is important that women get good advice how to deal with each of these challenges and we promise to communicate advice on each of these topics in our next series of blogs. Some brief advice for each includes

Feeling Overwhelmed.

Feeling overwhelmed is part of life, and will happen occasionally, but if you feel overwhelmed frequently you make like to follow some of the following advice, either on your own or in collaboration with a counsellor.

Thought patterns. We all hold some thinking patterns/ errors that exacerbate our experience of stress. If you are a catastrophic thinker, meaning you tend to think the worst things will happen, you plan 5-6 steps ahead in terms of awful things that might happen, you will experience more overwhelming experiences of anxiety.

What to remember: Repeat a few reminders to yourself. a) You’ve probably been here before, and survived, and maybe even managed such a situation with success. b) Some situations work out without you having to do (or decide) anything. Sitting for a moment is usually a good thing. c) You can’t control everything, but you can trust in your ability to respond to situations in a proactive and positive manner. And lastly, d) take each day one at a time, don’t worry to much about tomorrow, think about what you need to do today.

Add some perspective: Sometimes you ned to change your way of thinking. You might need to rewrite a situation using terms such as “at least” or “yet”. For example if you believe everything is going against you, you an use the phrase “at least” to put some hope or context into the situation. For example, “Everything is going wrong today. At least, I have my lovely dog to pat at the end of it. At least the day is over and I can relax now. At least I can tell my friends about it.” The “yet” phrase helps you look at your own capabilities with greater hope and humility. For example, “I can’t manage my finances, YET. ”

All of these elements in addition to slowing your thinking down, writing elements to be grateful for , and asking for support will help.

Bad Stress

Some stress can be motivating and galvanising. Prolonged stress (Chronic) or extreme levels of stress (Acute) is extremely detrimental to your health – mental health and physical health. Some thought elements that help you quickly include.

Thought patterns. We all hold some thinking patterns/ errors that exacerbate our experience of stress. In addition to catastrophic thinking, comparing, should-ing, blaming and overgeneralising all exacerbate our experience of stress in a situation.

Negotiation skills at work are essential. Do you have too much to do. How can you decrease your workload? Can you negotiate your workload?

Prioritising during the day, and in your career, is important so that you are spending time and effort on those activities which are of most benefit to you and your plans, and bringing you closer to your goals.

Lifestyle elements such as sleep, avoiding self medication and addictive practices, and eating and exercise all will improve your ability to deal with stress.

Sleep Disturbances

Women in HK mention that they often experience disturbances in their sleep. Even adults need about 8 hours of sleep a night. Try to get to bed before midnight, and create a positive bedtime routine which helps you get to sleep. This would include no screen time an hour ahead of bed time, take a relaxing bath or have a cup of cocoa, read in bed. In essence wind down, and tell your mind and body that you are preparing to power down.

If necessary you can consider sleep aids, homeopathic or medical. Be sure to take sleeping medications under the care of a physician.

Anxiety

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health issues for both men and women, adults and children. Learning to deal with anxiety may include medication, but often involves therapy, especially cognitive behavioural therapy techniques. Consider to see a counsellor if you are experiencing anxiety on a regular basis. A treatment plan often includes monitoring, thinking pattern assessment, thought log and training in relaxation and meditation techniques. For some quick advice check out our previous blog on anxiety.

Women in Hong Kong require support for these challenges. Whilst support groups and counselling services exist, there seems to be a need for much more, available services.

#mental health #internationalwomensday #HongKongmentalhealth #anxiety #stress #women

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If you need therapy and find the cost a barrier  consider finding a therapeutic support group as an alternative. These groups are usually much cheaper, and also have the benefit of the group dynamic to help members.

RED DOOR runs a divorce therapeutic support group, and is interested to provide therapy groups to those experiencing anxiety or low self-esteem. If you are interested to join such a group contact us at reception@reddoor.hk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you want to make your romantic relationship better? It is possible. From my experience of working with couples, helping them to reconnect, here are a few considerations that I believe can make your relationship stronger.

Commit to communication.

In all relationships, communication is key. I have clients, considering separation, who can count the words expressed between her and her partner over the course of an evening on less than her 10 fingers. Communicating with each other keeps us connected and is essential when you are in conflict with each other. Rather than focusing on snappy comebacks when you argue, take a moment to reflect back to your partner what you hear them saying, before adding your opinion. Using “I feel” rather than “You did” type of comments helps keep some of the dialogue constructive.By owning your experience you can better deal with conflict.

The Gottman institute – a leading relationship research and training facility in the US reminds couples of their 5:1 rule. You should be expressing 5 positive sentiments to your partner for ever single negative or critical comment. Think about the balance in your interactions, and make this small change.

Good communication is like oxygen to a relationship. Give your relationship the breath of life that it needs.

 

Stay engaged and interested.

Remember how you were in the early days of your love, you knew everything about each other’s days. As time goes on, couples can become disconnected and their relationship focused on the fulfillment of a to do list. Take time to spend time understanding your partner’s experience of the day. What was the best thing that happened to them today? Did anything happen today that made them angry? Show up and show your interest.Building a stronger understanding of your shared experience allows you to build more positive times together.

 

Be your best self.

Give them the best of you, rather than saving it for others. Often, we are kinder to strangers or people we hardly know than people who are closest to us. Ask yourself, “Who gets the “best” of me?” and then ask, “Who gets the worst?”. Are you taking your workplace stress out on your partner? In addition to sharing your kindest and most sincere communication with your life partner, honour the promises you make to them first, before others.

 

Learn your language of love.

The best way to convey your love for your partner is to express your love in the language of love that they prefer. The 5 languages of love include words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, time sharing and acts of service (you can conduct an assessment of your style on the website of author Gary Chapman (www.5lovelanguages.com) . We want to receive love in the matter that we most appreciate. Understanding each other’s preferences is the ultimate form of respect.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day – I hope your romance grows stronger after trying these techniques.

About the author: Angela Watkins is a qualified counsellor at RED DOOR Counselling. She conducts couples’ therapy as well as runs collaborative co-parenting programmes.

#reddoor

#valentinesday

#couplecounselling

#marriage

#love

#relationshipgoals

#couple

#relationships

#lovequotes

#dating

#relationshipadvice

What is in store for you in the year of the Pig? The year of the Pig begins on Tuesday 5 Feb 2019. The Chinese Lunar New Year indicates changes in the presiding powers, and the luck of people born under the 12 zodiac signs (animals). RED DOOR has summarized the predictions of various Feng Shui experts to provide a summary of your luck, wealth, health, career and relationship forecast for the year. We’ve added a RED DOOR reflection approach for each forecast to help you consider possible psychological adaptions and details that will position you to best optimise the changes of the year ahead.

The zodiac character symbols included here are designed by Hong Kong cartoonist and artist Justin Tan. These characters will soon be launched into a comic series Horoscope High.

Forecast for those born under the sign of the GOAT/ SHEEP

This year for those born under the sign of the SHEEP/ GOAT  will be a fairly positive year. Steady and conservative growth is possible. Wealth and career luck are positive. You will mostly need to rely on your own efforts in order to make money and progress, rather than expecting other people to make your life easier. Your interpersonal relationships with friends and family will be fairly stable, and your love luck will be good. Involvement in projects that help the community will be advised for you this year. Your health will be maintained if you watch what you eat, and take a moderate approach to indulgences and activities.

RED DOOR Reflection:  Do you believe that you rely on others, or mainly look after yourself? This is a year where your own energy and commitment creates the luck you will attract. How do you judge your motivation to take charge of your life?

 

Forecast for those born under the sign of the MONKEY

This year for those born under the sign of the MONKEY might want to take a conservative approach to this year. Investment opportunities exist but be cautious. There will be unexpected costs this year, so do no lend money, and invest in tangible objects rather than investments on paper. The only paper exception will be lottery tickets. The occasional ticket may bring you some minor luck. Invest in further education this year, as this is never a waste, and year will be an ideal investment. Relationships with family and friends may be tried and tested this year, as conflicts and disputes may seek you out. Try to stay positive, and forgive hurts and betrayals. Your reproductive system, and urinary system will be vulnerable this year, so take care of your health.

RED DOOR Reflection: Can you withstand the effect of negative gossip? Under what conditions are you prepared to ignore, or even forgive, the careless actions of others?

 

Forecast for those born under the sign of the ROOSTER

This year for those born under the sign of the ROOSTER with have not much to cluck about, or to crow about. This year is one of maintained status quo, particularly in romance and personal relationships. Stability will be the theme of the year. There are minor opportunities for investment, but there will also be more expenses than usual this year. This year you will be filled with new ideas and therefore you may feel unsettled at work, so feel a desire to look around. Do more for yourself this year, expand your mind, invest in learning new skills. Your health should be OK this year.

RED DOOR Reflection:  Lots of new ideas coming your way this year, how will you know which ideas to bring to realisation.

 

Forecast for those born under the sign of the DOG

This year for those born under the sign of the DOG contains some legacy elements from last year. Some of the negative energy from the Year of the Dog will linger in the first few months of the Year of the Pig. After the spring (Northern hemisphere only) these disputes should clear. Think positive and stay hopeful. Once you can shake off last year, your wealth luck will be positive. After Easter, buy lottery tickets and take on a job to make some money on the side. Career progress will be slow this year, keep up a steady effort to maintain your social position. Your love and personal relationships will be positive this year. After April you should expand your social activities, as there is an abundance of support available to you this year.

Last year you may have experienced frequent illness, this year should be much better for your health. 

RED DOOR Reflection:  The first three months may feel heavy or negative, how can you work to improve your level of positivity.

 

Good luck for the year ahead. Our next blog will feature the forecasts for the next four zodiac signs. the Rabbit, the Dragon, the Snake and the Horse.

If you would like more information about RED DOOR or the art of Justin Tan please contact angelaw@reddoor.hk

#yearofthe pig

#reddoor

#chinesenewyear

#horoscopehigh

What is in store for you in the year of the Pig? The year of the Pig begins on Tuesday 5 Feb 2019. The Chinese Lunar New Year indicates changes in the presiding powers, and the luck of people born under the 12 zodiac signs (animals). RED DOOR has summarized the predictions of various Feng Shui experts to provide a summary of your luck, wealth, health, career and relationship forecast for the year. We’ve added a RED DOOR reflection approach for each forecast to help you consider possible psychological adaptions and details that will position you to best optimise the changes of the year ahead.

The zodiac character symbols included here are designed by Hong Kong cartoonist and artist Justin Tan. These characters will soon be launched into a comic series Horoscope High.

 

This year for those born under the sign of the RABBIT.

A fairly neutral year ahead for those born under the sign of the Rabbit. Whilst you may not feel like working hard, this will be a year when you may have to. Expanding your skill set or business remit is advised. Still you will not experience much career progression this year. Perhaps invest in your skill set or business repertoire, and sit back and watch the market this year. Your health should be good this year. Happiness and contentment at home will support your ability to fight common infections.

Friendships and romance should be stable this year. You won’t be the target of too many disputes or gossip. For the majority of the year your relationship status shouldn’t change, those who are single aren’t likely to find a new love until the last quarter of the lunar year. Those already in a relationship will experience the development of further depth in that relationship.

RED DOOR Reflection: It appears that learning new skills would be helpful for you this year. What skills would help you develop your current or future career?

 

This year for those born under the sign of the DRAGON.

The year of the Pig attracts an abundance of luck for those born under the sign of the Dragon. You have good luck with investments and money this year. Entrepreneurs will be the luckiest of all Dragons. Career development opportunities will be positive this year.

Dragons may attract love or experience an improved love life, as well as public support from friends, family and colleagues. Your health is going to be ok. You may suffer from minor illnesses and problems attached to your stomach, so be mindful of what you eat and drink.

RED DOOR Reflection: What do you think you would like to achieve this year? Is it time to set some ambitious goals?

 

This year for those born under the sign of the SNAKE.  

It would be wise for the Snake to invest in future planning, relationship building and adapting to change this year. The Snake does not have exceptional luck with money or their career this year unless they plan to actively expand their network and engage in self-promotion.  You may attract disputes and conflicts with friends so take care, and be patient in these relationships. Slow and careful is a good approach to your health as well. Bad luck with your health will be caused by rushing, so apply caution. In your love relationship invest in your relationship to continue to keep your relationship strong.

RED DOOR Reflection: Your career is dependent on self-promotion and networking, how comfortable are you to promote your skills to a new audience? What is holding you back?

 

This year for those born under the sign of the HORSE

The Horse will find a stable of support this year, especially from friends and family. Others will recognise your talents so this is not the time to hold back on showing these skills and developing further strengths. This may be a year of investing in your future financial and career success, rather than the year that you reap immediate returns.

Your health will be mostly stable this year, but do watch what you eat since you may get the occasional case of stomach upset.

Romance is not the air for the horse this year. This is a time to enjoy green pastures and feel good running around on your own.

RED DOOR Reflection: Are you grateful for your talents? What can you do to improve the skills in which you excel?

 

Good luck for the year ahead. Our next blog will feature the forecasts for the next four zodiac signs. the Rabbit, the Dragon, the Snake and the Horse.

If you would like more information about RED DOOR or the art of Justin Tan please contact angelaw@reddoor.hk

#yearofthe pig

#reddoor

#chinesenewyear

#horoscopehigh

 

Chinese New Year Forecasts

What is in store for you in the year of the Pig?

The year of the Pig begins on Tuesday 5 Feb. The Chinese Lunar New Year indicates changes in the presiding powers, and the luck of people born under the 12 zodiac signs (animals).

RED DOOR has summarized the predictions of various experts, and with a RED DOOR reflection approach highlights psychological processes and questions which should prepare you for the prediction outlined for your sign. The zodiac character symbols included here are from upcoming cartoon series HOROSCOPE HIGH featuring the cartoon artistry of HK artist Justin Tan. Below are the predictions for the PIG, the Rat, the Ox, and the Tiger. 

 

This year for those born under the sign of the PIG.

Typically, as your sign ascends in power you will face a number of personal challenges. Whilst it could be perceived that this may be an unlucky year, a different perspective filter could be applied. Rather see this year as providing opportunity for review, reframing, and reshaping of your future.

Wealth this year will be hard to come by, and expect to have to work quite hard for your salary. Career trajectory may be stiffed this

year, expect to stay put without progress. Your romantic relationships will also experience change, although for those who are single this may mean that you start a new relationship. Personal relationships will also be challenging this year and Pig decedents may find themselves tormented by disputes, conflict and gossip. Watch your health.

RED DOOR Reflection: This year will be bursting with lessons to be learnt, are you open to learning new things about yourself, your friends and your life journey?

 

This year for those born under the sign of the RAT.

The year of the Pig attracts an abundance of episodes of luck for those born under the sign of the Rat. Wealth this year will be hard to come by, and expect to have to work quite hard for your salary. That said, if you are an entrepreneur or paid-by-the-piece you will reap well from your hard work. Career wise you may also find yourself receiving positive attention and recognition, as people around you are more likely to sing your praises and see you in a favourable light.

Rats will attract love, both inside and outside of relationships. Extra marital affairs are a risk, so be careful to keep your ego in check.  Your health will generally be good.

RED DOOR Reflection: Can you get too much of a good thing? If you find that you are the centre of attention from others how do you respond, and can you keep your ego under control?

 

This year for those born under the sign of the OX.

Overall a more luckier year than last year for those born under the sign of the Ox. Career and money luck will come from your own efforts, rather than your relationship with others. You are expected to make money and achieve a promotion. Rather neutral love luck this year, stable relationships will remain stable, but those looking for new love may find they need to wait. Having come of out of challenging year provided by the Dog, this year will feel better in terms of conflicts and disputes with family and friends, simply by the year being more neutral than negative. Health wise watch what you eat, especially around the beginning of the new year when there is a temptation to overindulge.

RED DOOR Reflection: Did you see last year as lucky or unlucky? Since your luck is scheduled to improve this year, ask yourself what would you do if you knew you could not fail?  

 

This year for those born under the sign of the TIGER.

The year of the Pig attracts an abundance of episodes of luck for those born with the eye of the Tiger. Wealth and Career advancement are contingent on your efforts. If you put some effort into getting activities started you will find you can eventually go with the flow of the good energy you have created at the outset. You will be lucky if you work hard.

Tigers should have stable relationships this year both in matters of love, and with family and friends. Others will be willing to support you, and you are seen as an attractive mate this year. If you have been prone to injuries of the foot, hip or legs, take extra care of these body parts this year.

RED DOOR Reflection: It seems from the prediction that those who provide strong energy to start projects will be rewarded. Do you consider yourself a strong starter of projects? How would you describe your levels of motivation?

 

Good luck for the year ahead. Our next blog will feature the forecasts for the next four zodiac signs. the Rabbit, the Dragon, the Snake and the Horse.

If you would like more information about RED DOOR or the art of Justin Tan please contact angelaw@reddoor.hk

#yearofthe pig

#reddoor

#chinesenewyear

#horoscopehigh

Anytime is a good time to Let it go, and as a result, Let yourself grow.  
Past hurts and old injustices can keep people stuck in old patterns of behaviour and thought traps. Bad memories can be like emotional quicksand, and can consume your thoughts taking command of your day-dreams, and leave you feeling obsessed over perceived or real losses, betrayals, and inequities.

It is possible, and probably beneficial, to give yourself a “time’s up” mandate. Just as you might join a gym in order to support your commitment to new health behaviours, you can also decide that you will stop allowing old hurts to define you, in order to let new hopes, grow.

This can be easier said than done. Part of the reason that “Let it go”, is so hard is that it is a challenging is that it is not satisfying in itself, without a benefit or alternative activity. Replacing one type of thinking with another, is easier to contemplate than simply asking an active mind to STOP. An active mind wants to remain active. In order to let it go, we need also think about alternative thoughts and behaviours to actively replace old tired traps. Hence, I ask you to consider, let it go, to, let it grow.

 

How to let go of old hurts, thoughts and harmful behaviours. 

Cease magical thinking.

Magical thinking occurs when you assume patterns of reactions that have not previously been in evidence. For example, if you are thinking, “If I do x then y will happen”. For example, “if I get sick, he will come back and feel sorry for me” or, “If I just collect enough evidence of this betrayal, my family will finally realise they have wronged me.” The relationships that you thought you think you should be having are probably quite different from the ones that you are actually experiencing in real life.

Learn to accept that other people’s bad behaviour is (REALLY) not about you.

It is common to become stuck when people have wronged us. Betrayal is often not about you, it’s more about our perceived “betrayers” desire to follow their desires at your expense. Whilst this feels unfair, and may not be what you signed up for in a work or personal relationship, focusing on the betrayal keeps us stuck in the role of victim.

Challenge your labels.

Are you stuck playing the role of a victim, or as an unappreciated hero? Check if you are continuing to hold onto a role label that really has not benefit for your growth. For example, if your partner was unfaithful and ended your marriage – perhaps be grateful for the end of a marriage that wasn’t working. For example, think to yourself, “He had an affair which ended the ‘not the best ‘marriage. I have been stuck feeling bitter and as a victim because I didn’t cheat (even when I wasn’t as happy as I wanted to be). The affair gave us both a way out to the marriage whilst allowing me to be the good guy. I wanted that, but now I want more than just that… “

Check your goals.

You may be consumed with a controlling desire to acknowledged as being wronged. It is possible that you will never receive anywhere near the level of acknowledgement you aspire to. Ask yourself, what do you need this acknowledgement for? Will this make you feel whole? If everyone you could list acknowledged that you were wronged, would you feel complete? Why can’t you be complete without the acknowledgement that you crave? Is that real, or perceived?  You set your own value, not another person. Others do not need to acknowledge that you have been treated unfairly in order for that be your reality. This is a trap that many abused people can fall into. Without the abuse being s acknowledged it can be hard to move on, but it isn’t really necessary. People who have been complicit rarely acknowledge that abuse occurred. If you were wronged, this is your fact, and that is enough. Now you can move toward recovery.

Take responsibility for your role in a situation – and no more.

Each party in a hurt played their role, including you. Take some responsibility for maintaining, creating, even exacerbating a situation. Make a promise to yourself that this can end, and you will end it.
Acknowledge forgiveness, even if only for yourself.

Whilst forgiveness can feel like you are letting the bad guy off, even potentially endorsing their behaviour, there is some benefit to forgive rather than feel angry. Elizabeth Smart who was held captive for 9 months when she was 14 could have hated her captors forever. Instead she chose to realise that she holding onto the pain and negativity of what had happened to her allowed her captors the opportunity to steal more of her life than they had already dominated. She chose to forgive them and instead focus on her happiness and freedom.

Explore possible rigidity with the power of “YET”. 

Thinking rigid thoughts such as “I can’t do that” will keep you trapped. So will thinking “it is not okay for me to move past this hurt. Add the word YET and this changes everything, suddenly you can’t do this yet, you can’t get past this hurt yet.
Write a ‘let it go’ letter

Write a letter to those who you feel hurt by. For example. “You have wronged me. I didn’t deserve the abuse you have wrought. I’ve been angry long enough. I’m letting go of my feelings of anger, resentment, hurt and betrayal because I don’t need to carry those around with me anymore. I choose not to give you any more of my energy”. You do not need to send the letter. This letter is for you to capture your hurts and thoughts on a page.

 

Channel your energy into positive change. Let new thought patterns develop.

Transform your narrative

Rather than label yourself as wronged, or as a victim, think about who you are in the story of your life. Are you a survivor? Are you working to make yourself a better person? What are your strengths? How can you be more empathetic and realistic in your view of yourself? You are a work in progress, celebrate where you are going and what strengths you have to get yourself there.

Future focus

What is in the future for me? What do I want in my life? What am I CHOOSING FOR MY FUTURE? Do not focus on what you leave behind. Imagine the past is like the border of an old country of hurt, and now you live somewhere else and that border is closed.

Get on your DIVA amour
Utilise the amour and weapons of a true diva. Being strong, being clever, continuing a struggle, are values within a cloak of amour that you put on. For me, I celebrate being a diva-hustler, (thank you #Michelle Visage #DivaRules). This means I remain determined to build opportunities for myself and take chances. Other people I’ve worked with have found their diva in other self- visualisations (eg Madame Butterfly). The weapons you have to support this Diva-amour are your strengths (your smarts, your friendships, your focus, your commitment, your creativity.)

Write a mantra specifically for  you.

A mantra is a passage that becomes an instrument of the mind. What the mind sets as an intention and belief so that this can to fruition. Phrase this in a positive voice. Celebrate your strengths. Remind yourself of your goals. For example

I am strong, calm, loved and forceful. When I face a challenge, I will draw strength from the people who love and support me, remember all that I have already achieved as a result of my focused activity and my commitment to my family, and myself.

I give love, I am loved. I am enough

 

Decide to pursue internal love over external anger.

The cure to external anger is internal love. Even if you are still working on accepting yourself, remember that it is OK to be not okay, as long as you are a work in progress. Be kind.
Gratitude

Being grateful reminds us want we  have, rather than focusing on what you perceive may be missing from your life. When we see what we have we learn to that we are more complete than we first realised and have more than enough in life, and even more importantly, we are enough.

 

I hope you find these activities helpful. If you find yourself stuck in old hurts you can consider to consider therapy to help you let go. All of us need help sometimes, and that is okay.

 

#michellevisage #divarules  #recovery #reddoor #gratitude #mantra #mentalhealthessentials #mentalhealth