One of the earliest conversations you may have had with your child involves their declaration of gender identity or sexual orientation. They might tell you they are a boy, a girl, or even express that they feel like one gender one day and another the next. As children grow, their identities and attractions may not fit neatly into the social norms they’ve been exposed to.

According to the U.S. Census, about 10% of teens identify as LGBTQIA+—an acronym that includes lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, and others. Many more might be questioning their gender or sexuality. Unfortunately, there’s limited data for Hong Kong youth, possibly due to societal stigma and discrimination against LGBTQIA+ individuals.

During adolescence, young people naturally explore their identities. They might not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, experience attraction to the same sex, or feel no attraction at all. As a parent, here’s what you can do to support your child and foster a positive, trusting relationship:

Be Accepting

Avoid dismissal or judgment. If your teen shares their identity or attractions, don’t dismiss it as a phase or something to be fixed. Instead, embrace their honesty. Their exploration is a vital part of understanding who they are. Express to your child that you love and support them no matter what.

One of the most loving actions a parent can provide is creating a safe space for your teen to explore and reflect. Show genuine interest, listen actively, and affirm their feelings. Remember, acceptance and validation are crucial; they help your child develop resilience and self-confidence.

Remember: There Is Nothing Wrong With Being LGBTQ+

This isn’t a problem that needs fixing. If you find yourself struggling with feelings of denial or discomfort, consider what’s best for your relationship in the long run. Challenging your internal biases or prejudices now can be vital. Research shows that rejection from parents can severely impact an adult’s mental health and ability to maintain relationships. Ultimately, your ongoing support could be the most important gift you give your child—far more powerful than any initial resistance.

The mental health statistics are sobering: LGBTQ+ youth are more vulnerable to depression, anxiety, low self-worth, and loneliness. These challenges are universal, and youth in Hong Kong are no exception. A supportive, accepting home acts as a protective anchor—avoiding blame or shame helps your teen feel safe and loved, even when they face external challenges.

Navigating Name change and Identity changes

Many transgender, non-binary, or gender-queer teens may choose a new name—often more gender-neutral—to better reflect their true selves. This act of changing one’s name can be empowering. However, it may be difficult for parents to adjust to their child’s new name. From my perspective as a counsellor, I sometimes experience parents struggling with the concept of “dead naming”. Be patient and give yourself time to adapt.

Discuss what the new name means to your teen, and understand it’s part of their journey. There have been cases in Hong Kong when parents learnt about the chosen name only after learning the child is using their new name, with support, at school. It’s helpful to communicate closely with their school and other community members, fostering an environment of acceptance and support. Open and accepting conversations really help.

Be an ally and advocate

It’s natural to worry about your child facing bullying or discrimination. Despite growing awareness, studies like the 2021 GLSEN School Climate Survey reveal that over 90% of LGBTQ+ teens experience verbal abuse at school; 81.8% feel unsafe; and many avoid school functions altogether.

As a parent, stay involved with your child’s school. Advocate for inclusive policies like LGBTQ+ support groups and comprehensive sex education that extends beyond heteronormative teachings. Working together with educators can make a real difference.

Show Your Support

Your words and actions matter. Be a visible ally—display symbols of support, speak positively about LGBTQ+ issues, and include your child’s experience in your conversations with family and friends. For example, one teen I work with shared, “My mum brought ALL the flags and even bought me a shirt that read ‘I Can’t Even Think Straight’—it made me feel loved and accepted.”

Talk to your child about how they would like you to communicate about them with broader family members. They might like you to be their spokesperson, or maybe prefer to talk for themselves. Teens sometimes do not appreciate being “outed” to family members.

Advocate for your child. Help schools establish gay-straight alliances. Push the school to provide more inclusive sex education, rather than the hetro-normative model that is pervasively taught. Rowan, who is attracted to women, retells, “Sex education at school was very weird for me”. Its not surprising as it was not about the sex that they were expecting or wanting to experience.

Moving Forward

Supporting your LGBTQ+ teen means standing firmly with them, advocating for equity, and continuously learning. Your acceptance can help your child navigate challenges, foster resilience, and build a future rooted in love and respect.

Useful references if you want to learn more

• Besner . H. F., and Sungin, C.J. (2014) Gay and Lesbian students: Understanding their needs. Routledge. New York.
• Georgina H. Gnan, Qazi Rahman, Greg Ussher, Dan Baker, Elizabeth West & Katharine A. Rimes (2019) General and LGBTQ-specific factors associated with mental health and suicide risk among LGBTQ students, Journal of Youth Studies, 22:10, 1393-1408, DOI: 10.1080/13676261.2019.1581361
• Lehman, J. R.; Diaz, K; Ng, H;  Petty, E.M.; Thatikunta, M;, and Echstrand, K (editors). (2020) The equal curriculum: the student and educator guide to LGBTQ Health. Springer press. Switzerland.
• Sadac , A. (2021) Parenting your LGBTQ+ teen: A guide to supporting, empowering and connecting with your child. Rockridge press
• GLSEN National School Climate Survey. 2021 Visit GLSEN.org

https://www.glsen.org/research/2021-national-school-climate-survey.

About the author: Angela Watkins is a counsellor at RED DOOR Counselling practice in Hong Kong. Angela is a proud parent of two LGBTQIA+ individuals and an LGBTQ+ ally. Red Door is an identity affirming practice.