We’re about to embark on Pride month – thirty days to celebrate and commemorate Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer (LGBTQ+) people, to recognise the impact LGBTQ+ people have had on history and culture, and to acknowledge the past and ongoing adversity the community faces.
Ok, I get it, let’s celebrate!
But why is this important and what does it have to do with mental health?
Well, consider this – 83% of LBGTQ+ people still hide their sexual orientation.[1]
Yes, societal attitudes towards sexual minorities have improved in the last few decades, and yes, LGBTQ+ visibility and rights have made progress. However, studies show that LGBTQ+ individuals, and especially LGBTQ+ youth, still face disproportionate mental health burdens with significantly higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidality. This isn’t because these individuals are inherently prone to poor mental health, but because LGBTQ+ people tend to have lower rates of self-acceptance and experience the effects of minority stress.
Minority stress is the chronic social stress that LGBTQ+ people are exposed to day-in-day-out, ranging from prejudice to negative stereotyping, hostility, harassment, rejection, limited rights from laws and policies, stigma, internalised homophobia – the list is long.
All these micro-aggressions mean something, they build and chip away at our self-esteem, our wellbeing, and positive development. This societal stigma, discrimination, and rejection from family and friends contributes to lower rates of self-acceptance amongst LGBTQ+ people, and in turn leads to higher rates of depression, anxiety, suicidality, and substance abuse in the community.
The Rainbow Reality
With these societal challenges, it’s not surprising that the vast majority of LGBTQ+ people are still hiding. However, living a hidden life and concealing one’s true identity is significantly associated with depression and negative psychological wellbeing.
So how do we reconcile with our identity and overcome the shame? How do we manage the stress of living in a society that often doesn’t accept or validate our identities, as well as the trauma of discrimination, bullying, harassment, and violence, plus the potential lack of support and acceptance from family and peers?
Where to Begin?
Changing societal norms is hard, although so many people are doing incredible work to improve equality. Putting this aside, we are able to create change within ourselves and we are in control of the way we understand and respond to our world.
The challenges that LGBTQ+ people face can lead to feelings of isolation, discrimination, rejection, shame, and low self-esteem. Exploring these thoughts and feelings about your identity can be difficult and uncomfortable. That’s where counselling can help, providing a safe space to do the hard work, with empathy and encouragement.
A counsellor can help you challenge your negative thoughts about your sexuality and instead engage in affirmation of your identity, visibility, and validation of your experiences. Evidence-based approaches such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) can help shift problematic thought patterns, and teach coping skills or alternative ways to think, behave, and react to situations and experiences.
The Road to Self-Acceptance
Regardless of sexual identity, mental wellbeing improves when we feel respected, valued and psychologically safe. Self-acceptance is the act of acknowledging who you are, in all your fabulous and flawed glory. It is an essential part of living a fulfilling life.
Sadly, research shows lower rates of self-acceptance among LGBTQ+ people. Importantly, low self-esteem is unlikely to blame for this lower rate of self-acceptance among LGBTQ+ people. Instead, the adverse opinions, prejudice, and victimization that many LGBTQ+ people face is what poses significant obstacles to self-acceptance.
It’s challenging to avoid internalizing negative society attitudes and ideas when constantly exposed to negative messaging about queer identity. These internalized messages have the potential to lead to increasing self-criticism and negative self-perceptions over time. Our individual lack of self-acceptance is ultimately caused by this social lack of acceptance.
But where to start?
Learn about the LGBTQ+ community, its history, and the challenges still being faced. There is culture and connection waiting for you. Validate and celebrate your identity and the diversity of the LGBTQ+ community. You belong here.
Connect with others and build a support system
You are not alone. Find your own LGBTQ+ community, whether through in-person support groups or online. Surround yourself with people who accept you and support you, whether it’s friends, family, or allies. Join in Pride events and affirm your identity.
Practice self-care and compassion
Be kind to yourself – we are always harder on ourselves and more generous with others. Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Eat well, sleep well, and engage in activities that bring you joy.
Challenge negative thoughts and your inner critic
When we hear things frequently, we start to believe them. Identify your inner critic – that little voice inside your head that tells you you’re not good enough – and tell it to shut up. Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. Try journaling to identify problem patterns, reflect, and express yourself authentically.
Identify your personal values and goals
Redefine yourself according to your own values. Embrace your authentic self and live your life in a way that feels true to you. Addressing self-blame and shame, affirming your own identity, and validating your experiences fosters self-acceptance and helps develop resilience against past, present, and future adversity.
Doing the hard work
Don’t kid yourself, none of this is easy. Finding self-acceptance and establishing a positive identity is difficult, but it is a vital source of resilience. Counselling provides a supportive and safe space to explore feelings, process emotions, and develop coping strategies. It can help LGBTQ+ people better understand their sexual orientation and gender identity, and work through experiences of discrimination or rejection. Finding your pride is much deeper than a month on the calendar, true self-acceptance is key to improving mental wellbeing and a happier, healthier life.
So if you or someone you know is struggling with mental health challenges related to their LGBTQ+ identity, consider reaching out to a counsellor for support.
About the author: This blog is written by Fiona Travers. Fiona works with adults, focusing on the following areas in her practice: LGBTQ+ challenges. Grief and bereavement. Fertility issues. Couples counselling.
Fiona is a part-time counsellor at RED DOOR who is currently on sabatical. Fiona’s counselling style is informed by two decades creating values and purpose-led brands in the corporate world. She is passionate about helping individuals build personal resilience and find their own sense of self in the world.
RED DOOR is committed to being a gender affirming and LGBTQ+ supporting practice. Contact the Red Door Reception to set up an appointment with one of our therapists contact reception@reddoor.hk or text 852-93785428.
Welcome to our new blog series, Love Matters, where counsellors Angela Watkins and Elizabeth Wu explore the complexities of relationships and love. Both Angela and Liz specialise in helping individuals navigate their romantic lives, with Angela also serving as a practising couples therapist.
In this inaugural column, we delve into the question on many people’s minds: Where do we find love? This topic frequently comes up in both our professional and personal interactions. To better understand the landscape of modern romance, we reached out to individuals who have successfully found love. Interestingly, we discovered that only a handful had entered new relationships in the past year, most of whom were under 25.
The majority met their partners in real-life situations—at school, through shared hobbies, or via mutual friends—while only about 9% connected through dating sites or social media. With these insights in mind, Liz and Angela will discuss their perspectives on:
The fun and challenges of online dating
New events designed to facilitate matchmaking
Dating at different ages and the goals you might consider
Join us as we navigate the journey of finding love in Hong Kong!
Angela: Welcome to the first in our Love Matters series where Liz and I talk about matters of love and romance.
In our recent research, we asked for basic feedback from people regarding romances that had begun recently. Thirty people responded; most were young—under 25—with some over 45. There wasn’t much in between. In chatting with people about the results, I found few individuals aged 25 to 40 who had found love in the past year. Are we living in a love desert?
Liz: In our city we have long work hours, dense schedules and high housing costs—that constrict time and energy for dating. Recent data shows an increasing never‑married population, with a modest female surplus in Hong Kong, which can intensify the perception of competition.
Seeing the little results of love in our research may not be evidence that new love is absent, but it can also reflect sampling – who we asked, where they spend time, and how visible their relationships are.
In therapy, I pay attention to how narratives of scarcity shape our behaviour – are we grasping anxiously or avoiding the chase altogether? Neither can helps us choose well. I’d rather help you expand contexts where genuine contact can happen and strengthen your capacity to recognize and grow a good bond when it appears.
Angela: When we looked at where people found love, the majority (62%) found their partners in real-life situations—particularly through aligned activities, such as attending the same university or sharing hobbies, and also via friends. Why do you think this is?
Liz: We attach through repeated, low pressure contact—classrooms are a great example of that. Hobby groups are also great – for example, there’s been a rise in running clubs which became popular during and after COVID which has been cited as a good source to find matches. In a city that can be so hectic at times, aligned activities slow us down. They let people see each other across different moments—tired, excited, collaborative—which reveals true character better than an online profile. If you want to give love a chance here, design your week to include recurring communities, not just one‑off events.
Angela Aligned activities allow you to take things slow and digest the relationship bit by bit. You don’t necessarily have to rush things. What role do friends play in this?
Liz: Friend introductions are great because they can pre-vet the other person beforehand. A thoughtful introduction carries “earned data” – your friend already knows your values and blind spots and can reality check early projections. They are walking endorsements for the both of you. That said, curation is important. You shouldn’t introduce simply because two people are single, you should only introduce when there’s healthy alignment in life stage, values, and availability. While apps can feel transactional, friends can advocate for the connection, highlighting positive traits about each person to the other.
Angela: If you trust a friend, they can provide advice on your relationship standards. Do you think I’m being too particular about certain things, or is it not a good idea to have high standards?
Liz: Feedback can work when it’s invited and specific. If a friend genuinely wants perspective on standards, offer it kindly and specifically—what’s a value‑based non‑negotiable versus a preference that can be more flexible? Unsolicited advice, despite you meaning well, can sometimes do more harm than good. Dating can make people feel vulnerable, so approach with care.
Angela: I’m thinking about our recent discussion on the concept of “shreking.” To me, shreking is about accepting things that aren’t necessarily your usual standards, allowing yourself to have different experiences. It’s not just about settling for less; it’s about questioning whether your standards are holding you back from enjoying life. Do you think shreking means accepting someone below you?
Liz: I don’t like the term “shreking” because it brings in hierarchy – showing someone is above or below someone else, like love is a market with rankings. For me, the real differentiator is looking at attachment styles and whether someone is secure or insecure, rather than looking at their appearance or resume.
Sometimes choosing outside your usual type can be growth, you interrupt a previous pattern that didn’t bring you safety. If you can look beyond the superficial and ask, “Are we moving more towards security for both of us?”. If it is, then that to me that is an upgrade, not a downgrade.
Angela: Let’s talk about online dating. From our brief polling results, about nine and a half percent of our lucky, successful daters have met their partners on our online dating platform, such as Bumble, Tinder, Grindr, or even Instagram.
Its definately popular as a way to meet people. Just not as, potentially successful as meeting people in real life situations. What do you think? Do you have an opinion on online dating?
Liz: For me, apps are just a tool; it’s not really a magic wand that can get you what you want. Here in Hong Kong, many people have busy lives and hectic schedules, so it’s a good way to expand beyond your circle—beyond what your friends, hobby groups, or ex-classmates can introduce you to. It can be hard to meet someone organically in Hong Kong.
With an app, both people already know what their intentions are. But it’s a double-edged sword; there can be an element of dehumanisation. You can amplify projections—I’ve seen people swiping, thinking things like, “Oh, he looks like an F-boy,” or “She looks high maintenance.” It’s very easy to profile people, but you know how it feels when you get profiled as well.
It can all get exhausting and overwhelming, my advice is to just remember it as a tool, limit the number of people you are speaking to, and move promising off apps to in person meets before the fantasy flattens.
Angela: I recently went down a Reddit rabbit hole looking at comments about people’s experiences with online dating. It’s clear that many would prefer to be in a room together, able to look around at all the available options instead of swiping one by one on profiles on an app. People seem to want want the opportunity to move around and look for partners without making immediate decisions. Many comments mentioned that online dating feels like a lot of admin, which doesn’t sound romantic at all.
Online dating is definitely different from in-person dating, particularly in terms of the experience. A whole range of slang terms has evolved in response to online dating, which I’ll include as a call-out diagram in this document. Among this plethora of terms are expressions like ghosting, zombieing, and breadcrumbing.
Some behaviours that happen online don’t carry the same meaning as they would in real life. For instance, if someone completely stops talking to you and avoids you—i.e., ghosts you—it’s common to wonder if you’ve done or said something wrong. However, being ghosted on online platforms is extremely common, and it doesn’t mean the same thing. Understanding that online dating is a different world, with different expectations is helpful.
Many of my clients are women over 40, and for them, the online dating platforms require understanding that this medium is very different from real life. Additionally, people often fake their profiles. It’s common to engage in “kitten-fishing,” which involves telling small lies about yourself, such as your height or interests.
For this reason, many women find online dating a difficult platform to emotionally navigate – from learning who someone really is, to understanding the “new norms” around interaction frequency and styles, to trying to interpret another person’s intentions. Many of them express that they cycle on and off dating websites because they find the practices, and adjustments, too lexhausting.
Liz: Two truths can coexist at the same time: online dating being admin heavy, and many couples still meeting there.
We need to be mindful of whether this is fun or too much admin. With the rise of digital culture, we’re texting all day, sending emails on our phones, keeping up with friends on Instagram, Facebook, and other apps. It can be overwhelming to text someone while also replying to your friends’ memes on Instagram and your boss’s WhatsApp messages. I know people who are genuinely interested in forming connections, but they find it hard to reply because they may have limited time during their breaks, and it can start to feel like an obligation. I completely understand being “left on read” due to what’s happening in real life.
To protect your nervous system, also take appropriate breaks from the apps. Give other people the benefit of the doubt, ghosting is common and rarely personal. It’s more about low confrontation exits and it does not determine your worth.
I think another legitimate concern is scams. Beyond catfishing, financial and crypto‑investment scams have been on the rise in Hong Kong. I advise that if you match with someone, try to arrange an in-person meetup or at least have a call—what I call a “vibe check call”—to ensure that this person is who they say they are. Meet up in public spaces and tell a friend about your date. Also avoid financial talk or “urgent favors” early on, slow is safe.
Angela: I agree with you completely, especially regarding the importance of moving from online to in-person interactions within a specific timeframe. It’s important not just for verifying that people aren’t scamming, but also to determine if they’re genuinely interested in meeting someone rather than just collecting potential flirtations.
Do you have an advisable timeframe for pushing for an in-person meetup?
Liz: My advisable time frame is usually within one or two weeks. The reason is that many people in Hong Kong are often travelling and there are numerous holidays. If you match with someone and can’t see them within the next 14 days due to travel delays then maintain a light, non-intense contact and set a concrete plan upon return.
Angela: Liz, I know you have your finger on the pulse of new trends arriving in this city. Are there any new ways you’ve heard of that people are using to meet new potential partners?
Liz: A recent example was an event at Soho House Hong Kong on Feb 5, where they hosted an event called “The Ultimate Wing Session” – they had friends pitching where each person had 3 minutes to prove their friend is a great catch. That is a creative event that comes to mind.
Otherwise, old‑school matchmakers exist here too, but do your due diligence – look for clear fees, refund policies, how they verify candidates, and what data they actually have in your age range and interest field.
Angela: I have unfortunately heard stories about matchmaking scams that have existed. If people want to try matchmaking services I would try to search to see if anyone you know has a had a positive experience of such a service.
So, let’s talk about different age groups. When we tackle the question, “Where is the love?”, I imagine that different ages have different goals and challenges depending if you are under 25, or in your 30s, or 40s or old.
I remind my young adult clients that it’s unlikely they will marry the person they are currently dating. With this in mind, they don’t have to rush their relationships You don’t need to be on the “relationship escalator,” driving one stage of a relationship to the next. Take your time figure out what you like, what do don’t like, learn from mistakes what you do not want to repeat, be open minded that different partners all make different contributions to a relationship. You can go out to Lan Kwai Fong, attend different events, and meet people on apps or at your university. You have lots of energy and can spend this time discovering what you like and what your type is. Essentially, have fun.
Liz: 100%! I completely agree—for early adulthood, having fun should be the focus. You’re learning attachment patterns in the field – how you pursue, how you pull away, and how you repair. There is no need to rush the relationship “escalator”. Try different contexts and types. Pay attention to how you feel in your body around different people – are you more yourself or more performative/anxious?
Angela: As people get older relationship expectations change. Additionally it can sometimes feel like there are not a lot of suitable options for you to date. I know you work with many women in their 30s, what recommendations do you have for them?
Liz: For women in their 30s, some may feel more pressure because of the biological clock around fertility. Having this clock can compress choice, and compression can breed insecure attachments. Expand time where you can. For example, if parenting is important to you, consult early on options – research on egg freezing and IVFs – so you are less dominated by your reproductive timeline.
Angela: I agree. It seems to me that many clients in their 30s, feel a lot of pressure from the expectation of the relationship escalator – distinct steps that people feel the need to rush through in a linear fashion to reach some mythical “happily ever after. First, you meet someone, get to know them, live together, get engaged, get married, and then have a baby. This linear progression is perhaps not for everyone, and it might even be healthy to step back and, instead, audit your life and ask, “What do I really need?” In terms of a biological clock, even with technology there is pressure. At some point you might need to ask yourself would you rather have a romantic relationship or have a child? W Perhaps you won’t be able to have both, and it might be necessary to consider what truly matters in your concept of a successful life.
It is important to consider whether we are being too adherent to a certain list or escalator in life. I think you can miss out on people. Sometimes, clients who are quite particular—who aren’t just women—have a shopping list of what their ideal partner should possess.
Liz: I see that too. If someone has too many criteria on their list, like requiring an Ivy league graduate who meets specific height and job expectations, it can be limiting.
I invite clients to separate non-negotiables rooted in values, for example, kindness under stress or desire for kids versus strong preferences that are nice to have e.g. specific heights, working in a specific industry.
Then ask yourself “does my list mirror my own availability”? People who meet many high‑status criteria often also seek partners with certain qualities. Consider those and build those in yourself.
Angela: For women in their 40s, do you think there are specific pieces of advice to consider? These women may have been married previously, and now be separated or divorced. They could even have children and be solo parenting.
Liz: For women 40s and beyond, beyond apps, they could explore volunteering opportunities or join various social groups. There are many communities within Hong Kong to choose from, choose one that reflect your lived values. The key variable is repetition, recurring contact that lets character show over time.
Angela: I really like the idea of expanding your network of activities because engaging in different pursuits is one of the best ways to meet people. The reality is that if you stick to the same routine, you’ll keep encountering the same people. If you want a bigger dating pool, go where the “fish” are—find activities that interest you!
When I meet with our Iron Fairies group (for women going through divorce in Hong Kong), I find that they particularly learn the nuances of online dating versus offline dating the hard way. It often seems that the pool of possible partners is quite limited. So, good questions to ask yourself include: what does companionship look like for you? What does a good life look like for you? Where do you find joy? If finding a new partner doesn’t seem possible, does that mean you’ve failed?
There are many questions that need to be asked to determine what a good, satisfying life looks like. If a partner is part of that vision, then is Hong Kong the right place to look for one? I always encourage my clients to form a supportive group and go out to clubs together—not necessarily to meet people, but to enrich their lives. After a divorce, your world can feel very small, especially since many experiences’ exclusion from their regular social circles. It’s important for them to form new groups to explore new adventures.
Liz: Those are all valid questions to help gain perspective. After experiencing divorce, the focus should be on re-expansion. Rediscovering who you are and what a satisfying life looks like for you. There are many forms of companionship beyond a romantic one too. When the romantic pool feels small, you can also enrich the ocean you swim in – clubs, studying a new course, traveling. Ironically, people often meet new partners when busy building a meaningful life that would be good with or without a partner.
Angela: It’s vital for each of us to be good at being single. Yes, being good at being single is important. If you want a wider network, including potential partners, diversify your friends, hobbies, and explore different apps and events. The more “eggs” you have in various baskets, the more opportunities you create for new abundance. That would be my final advice. Be in a relationship because you choose to be, not because you have to be. Makes sure you a good at being single. When you are looking for love, make sure you build a network to help you meet several people in real life. If it starts online, move a meet up to the real world as soon as you feel that would be possible.
What would your main advice be Liz?
Liz: I would say to run on two tracks in parallel. On the one hand, build a life that feels rich even if love arrived later – get involved in your community, there are body based ones like run clubs and yoga, meaning based like volunteer work, and creative based like ceramics and art-jamming. Find activities that has recurrence to let attachment happen. Do the inner work, therapy can help you notice unhealthy patterns and learn repair so you can feel more secure with yourself as you go on this journey.
On the other hand, date with intention. Understand what your values are and what your non-negotiables are. If you go on the apps, try to meet your match within one to two weeks. No endless pen-pals. Involve your circle and see if there are some introductions to be made.
Also, don’t seek dating advice from AI . AI can be useful for light brainstorming, but it can’t read your history or cultural context. Generic advice can miss red flags or push you toward choices that aren’t right for you. Trust your own instincts, real life friends that know you, and if helpful, a therapist over online predictions
Most of all, hold onto hope. You don’t need to be perfect; you just need to be consistent and brave. In the search for love, you don’t need a lot of yeses, you just need one good mutual yes at the end of the day.
We hope you enjoyed this conversation with Liz and Angela as part of our Love Matters series on how to have more fulfilling relationships. If you would like to contact Angela or Liz for a session please email us at reception@reddoor.hk or whatsapp +852-93785428.
For other articles about relationships that might be of interest see below.
Embark on a transformative journey with the RED DOOR internship, part of our exclusive summer programme designed for aspiring psychologists, counsellors, and mental health professionals. Conducted in English—a rarity in Hong Kong—this internship offers a distinctive chance to engage deeply with real-world mental health challenges while gaining invaluable experience.
Why RED DOOR?
Our internship stands out as a one-of-a-kind opportunity for students. Unlike typical internships, RED DOOR focuses on developing practical skills and insights into the mental health field, making it an exceptional choice for those serious about their future careers. Participants will work closely with professionals and peers on meaningful projects that have a direct impact on the community.
Programme Details
Duration: June to August 2026
Start Dates: Slightly staggered based on the readiness of group members.
Competitiveness: In 2025, we received 50 applications for just 5 positions.
Eligibility
Residency: Open to Hong Kong residents only. Applicants without a valid visa for Hong Kong are ineligible.
Education: This programme is aimed at University students in their third year of studying psychology are preferred. This internship is designed for individuals aiming to develop essential skills in psychology, counselling, or mental health—not merely for general work experience.
Fluency: Must be a fluent English speaker.
Availability: Interns must be present in Hong Kong from June to August 2026 and commit to working 10-15 hours per week, usually Monday to Friday, with occasional Saturday activities. A full three-month commitment is expected.
Commitment and Expectations
Interns will immerse themselves in approximately 120 hours of work, typically 10-15 hours per week over 10-12 weeks. We seek serious applicants who:
Are punctual and courteous.
Work diligently and collaboratively.
Note:
No travel or lunch allowances are provided.
This is an unpaid internship.
Unique Opportunities
Interns will engage in a variety of enriching activities, including:
Mental Health Research Project: Collaborate on a proprietary research project addressing topics such as barriers to success for ethnic minority young women in Hong Kong or issues surrounding the self-diagnosis of mental health conditions, as well as current diagnosis challenges in the area of ASD. The specific topic for 2026 is to be determined (TBD).
ASD Research: Participate in a separate research initiative focused specifically on Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), exploring its unique challenges and societal impacts.
Neurodiversity Learning: Gain insights into neurodiversity by working directly with neurodiverse adults and teens.
Social Media Content Creation: Craft engaging mental health blogs and other content to enhance RED DOOR’s outreach.
Office Management: Play a key role in general office management tasks.
Counselling Skills Practice: Practice and refine counselling skills as a group while exploring current cases and interventions (within confidentiality limits).
Application Process
Application Submission:
Interested applicants should send a letter of introduction and CV to angelaw@reddoor.hk before 01 April 2026.
Eligibility Reminder:
Please note that this internship is for individuals who are serious about a career in psychology. If your application does not highlight a clear commitment to working as a counsellor, mental health worker, or psychologist in the future, it may be dismissed, or you may be required to provide a transcript of your studies.
Interview Selection:
Applicants selected for an interview will be informed by 12 April 2026.
Interviews:
Interviews will take place from 13 to 26 April 2026.
Final Notification:
Those selected for the 2026 internships will be informed by Tuesday, 28 April 2026.
Code of Conduct
Interns are expected to maintain confidentiality and be discreet regarding any client information encountered at RED DOOR.
Chinese New Year is a time of celebration, family reunions, and vibrant traditions. However, while the festivities offer opportunities for connection and joy, they can also bring significant stress. One common challenge is the pressure to meet family expectations, which often translates into criticism and comparisons with others. Many individuals find themselves feeling scrutinised over their appearance, achievements, or relationship status, overshadowing the joy of the holiday.
If you’re among those who feel the strain, you’re not alone. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this festive season while prioritizing your mental health.
Understanding the Pressure
Family gatherings often come with high expectations, which can lead to intense feelings of inadequacy. Comments about your physical looks, social status, or success can feel overwhelming, particularly during a time that is supposed to be celebratory. It’s essential to remember that these remarks often reflect the insecurities or cultural pressures of those making them, not your value.
Practical Strategies for Navigating Criticism
Shift Your Perspective:
Embrace Self-Acceptance: Remind yourself that everyone has their unique journey. Focus on your strengths and achievements. Self-acceptance can help you deflect criticism and enjoy the moment.
Practice Positive Affirmations: Repeating affirmations can reinforce your self-worth. Phrases like “I am enough” and “I celebrate my individuality” serve as powerful reminders.
Communicating Boundaries:
Embrace Tolerance: Understand that some family members may unintentionally make comments that feel critical. Accepting that these dynamics exist can help you develop resilience during gatherings.
Focus on the Positive: When facing irritating comments, try redirecting the conversation toward shared interests or joyful memories that uplift everyone, diffusing tension.
Practice Compassion: Recognise that behind every comment may lie insecurities or cultural expectations. Compassion can help you navigate these interactions with patience while maintaining your own peace.
Know Your Limits: Monitor your emotional boundaries. If you feel overwhelmed, allow yourself to step away for a moment. Knowing when you need space is vital for your mental well-being.
Develop Coping Mechanisms:
Create an Exit Plan: If the atmosphere becomes overwhelming, it’s perfectly fine to take a break. Excusing yourself to regroup can help you regain your composure.
Mindfulness Techniques: Practice deep breathing or grounding techniques during tense moments. Focusing on your breath for a few seconds can help you stay calm and centred.
Distract and Engage:
Engage in Activities: Plan festive activities that shift focus away from negative conversations. Games, storytelling, or family walks can create positive memories and foster connection.
Reconnect with Joy: Spend time engaging in activities that bring you happiness, whether it’s cooking, crafting, or listening to music.
Seek Support:
Involve Supportive Friends or Relatives: Surrounding yourself with people who uplift you makes a difference. Seek out family members who understand the dynamics at play and can provide emotional support.
Reach Out for Professional Help: If feelings of overwhelm arise, consider speaking to a mental health professional before or after Chinese New Year,. Individual counselling can help discuss tailored strategies to the specific pressure that you experience within family gatherings.
Accept Imperfections:
Embrace the Messiness: Understand that every family has its quirks and tensions. Recognizing that it’s normal for gatherings to include awkward moments can help you approach the day with humour and acceptance.
Conclusion
Prioritising your mental health during Chinese New Year is essential for enjoying the season fully. By employing these strategies, you can navigate the pressures of family dynamics and focus on what truly matters: connection, love, and joy. Remember, you are enough just as you are, and celebrating your unique journey is what makes this time of year truly special.
❤️ Wishing you a joyful, harmonious, and mentally enriching Chinese New Year!
The belief in luck can be a double-edged sword. While it can elevate confidence and foster a sense of optimism, leading to a more proactive approach to life, an over reliance on luck can trap us in negative cycles of thought. Viewing luck as an uncontrollable external force can generate pessimism and anxiety, limiting our sense of agency. However, a touch of luck can ignite hope and motivation, encouraging us to embrace new challenges and break free from past habits.
I do like a tradition and our family celebrates Chinese New Year selectively, as many foreigners do. For others wanting to consider the traditions of Chinese New Year and how it could, possibly, improve your luck as the Horse Year begins, read on.
The Significance of Luck in Chinese New Year Celebrations
In the context of Chinese New Year, which begins on February 17, 2026, luck plays a central role in both celebration and tradition. As a foreigner who has spent most of my life in Hong Kong, I have immersed myself in many cultural practices surrounding this festive period. Here, I’ll share insights and preparations to help you welcome the year of the Horse with open arms and an optimistic spirit.
Preparing for the New Year
1. Spring Cleaning (January 15 – February 15, 2026)
Start the new year by giving your home a thorough spring cleaning. Dispose of broken items—think clocks and bowls—before the celebrations begin. It’s considered bad luck to sweep or dispose of trash during the initial days of the new year, as it symbolically sweeps away good fortune.
2. Dress for Success
Purchase new clothes, especially in red, which is deemed lucky. Generating fresh energy for the year ahead can include buying new shoes, as buying them in the first month of the new year is considered unlucky.
3. Grooming Matters
Schedule a haircut before the new year, as cutting your hair during the first month is believed to bring misfortune.
4. Decorate Your Home
Once your home is spotless, adorn it with items that attract luck: lucky couplets on your door, lanterns, vibrant flowers, paper cuttings, and trays of sweets for guests. Embrace colors like red and gold to enhance the festive atmosphere.
The Celebration Begins
Chinese New Year’s Eve (February 16)
This evening is traditionally reserved for family gatherings. Enjoy dumplings, which symbolize wealth, as they resemble ancient gold ingots. If you’re a parent, consider placing a lucky Lai See (a red packet containing money) under your child’s pillow to ensure they awaken with good fortune. Fireworks play a role in scaring away bad spirits, setting the stage for a prosperous year ahead.
Chinese New Year Day (February 17)
Wear your new clothes! Celebrate with family and friends, and give Lai See to unmarried individuals. Keep in mind several taboos: no sweeping, arguing, or using sharp objects, and avoid washing your hair. It’s essential to limit running water, as these actions are believed to attract misfortune.
Day Two (February 18)
Continue the festivities with family visits. Married daughters should return to their parents with their husbands and children. Remember to be mindful of water usage.
Day Three (February 19)
This is a day to avoid visitors at home; instead, consider meeting friends outside.
Day Four (February 20)
Celebrate the God of Wealth. Enjoy dumplings to ensure prosperity and give money to attract wealth.
Day Five (February 21)
Push out bad luck by using fireworks or banging pots to scare away lingering spirits. Enjoy more dumplings to symbolize fullness and abundance.
Chinese New Year Ends (March 3)
The festivities culminate with the Lantern Festival, marking the end of the new year celebrations. Take down decorations and prepare for another family gathering and lucky dumpling occasion.
Your personal Luck profile – from various sources.
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Rat
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
As we enter the Year of the Horse, individuals born in the Year of the Rat may encounter some challenges. The Year of the Horse can be particularly testing for Rats, so staying vigilant is essential.
Preparation is Key
“Forewarned is forearmed.” View this year as an opportunity to prepare and grow. Focus on expanding your skills and enhancing your knowledge base. Consider taking up new hobbies, especially at home, which will serve as your safe haven.
Mind Your Finances
Be prudent with your finances this year. Closely monitor your spending and seek competitive pricing for larger purchases. Instead of relying on luck, channel your efforts into planning for success. Your proactive approach will create your own opportunities.
Work Dynamics
At work, you might feel underappreciated or overlooked. This isn’t a bad time to keep a low profile—just keep your head down and concentrate on developing your skills through additional training. Tackle unfinished tasks that others may have left behind.
If you are job hunting, remember that consistency is vital. Keep applying and explore various avenues for employment; don’t limit yourself to one source.
Cultivating Empathy and Charm
Being empathetic and charming will serve you well this year. Take the time to deepen your understanding of others, and approach interactions with tact. This emotional intelligence will help you navigate challenging personal and professional situations more effectively.
A Year for Investment, Not Risk
Above all, remember that Rats are survivors. This year is about investing in your future rather than taking unnecessary risks. By focusing on skill acquisition and strategic planning, you’ll lay the foundation for lasting success.
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Ox
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
In the Year of the Horse, consistent effort and hard work will be paramount. Thankfully, these attributes align well with the steadfast nature of the Ox, positioning you for success.
Harness Your Strengths
While the swift pace of the Horse may feel overwhelming at times, remember that slow and steady wins the race. Your natural strengths in diligence and perseverance will help you navigate the year’s challenges effectively.
Workplace Dynamics
At work, this year holds great potential, especially if you avoid fixating solely on your own interests. It’s essential to collaborate and share your ideas, allowing others to recognize your contributions. Demonstrate your commitment, fortitude, and resilience, and be open to learning from the feedback you receive.
If you are seeking employment, new opportunities are on the horizon. Remain proactive and consistent in your applications. When an opportunity presents itself, seize it without hesitation.
Financial Outlook
This year could herald steady financial gains, provided you manage your risks wisely. Avoid getting lured by quick wins; focus on sustainable growth and stability in your financial decisions.
Maintaining Your Energy
Be mindful of potential burnout. Prioritize your well-being by creating routines that boost your energy levels. Rise early, engage in regular exercise, and nourish your body as it requires. A keen focus on self-care will help you maintain your stamina throughout the year.
Social Opportunities
Leverage your social network this year. Social occasions will not only enrich your personal life but also create opportunities for romance and career advancement. Embrace these moments to connect and explore new possibilities.
Cultivating Flexibility
While Ox personalities are often seen as steadfast, cultivating a degree of flexibility this year will benefit both your home and romantic life. Being open to change and adapting to different perspectives can lead to harmony and happiness.
In summary, the Year of the Horse invites you to apply your hardworking nature while remaining adaptable. By doing so, you can navigate this lively year with confidence and poise, turning potential challenges into opportunities.
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Tiger
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
As we enter the Year of the Horse, individuals born in the Year of the Tiger can take comfort in the saying, “Fortune favours the brave.” This year is poised to be favourable for Tigers, providing ample opportunities to thrive.
Seize Opportunities with Confidence
Horse years are dynamic, presenting Tigers with the chance to harness emerging opportunities. By being persistent, consistent, and diligent, you can enhance both your finances and reputation.
Boosting Your Career
At work, this year is ideal for improving your professional standing. Take initiatives to showcase your expertise, whether through presentations or collaborative projects. If you’ve felt stagnant in the past, this is the year to break free and demonstrate your capabilities. With fresh ideas flowing to you, make sure your seniors recognize your creative vision.
Financial Growth
As your career progresses, you can expect an improvement in your income. However, it’s crucial to manage your budget mindfully. Keep track of your expenses and savings to ensure long-term financial stability.
Building Social Connections
On a social level, this year is an excellent time for Tigers to forge new friendships based on shared interests. Engage in activities that align with your passions, and you’ll find yourself meeting like-minded individuals.
Romance and Passion
Romance is in the air this year! The Year of the Horse heralds excitement and passion in your love life. Be open to new connections and let relationships develop naturally.
Pacing Home Improvements
In terms of home projects, pace yourself. Take on improvements that you can execute beautifully, avoiding the temptation to overcommit. Quality is essential, so focus on what you can handle effectively.
In summary, the Year of the Horse offers Tigers a vibrant landscape filled with opportunities for growth and connection. By putting in the necessary work and embracing the year’s dynamic energy, you can look forward to a fulfilling year ahead!
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Rabbit
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
The Year of the Horse brings an exciting wave of energy for individuals born in the Year of the Rabbit. This year is centred around growth, social engagement, and pursuing new opportunities.
Embrace New Experiences
The dynamic nature of this year encourages you to explore new experiences and ventures. Be open to stepping outside your comfort zone to embrace change, which can lead to significant personal and professional growth.
Nurture Your Social Connections
Social interactions will play a pivotal role this year. Strengthen existing friendships and be open to meeting new people. Collaborative efforts can yield fruitful results, so engage in team projects or group activities that showcase your talents.
Focus on Learning and Development
This year is an excellent time for personal and educational development. Consider enrolling in courses or workshops that resonate with your interests. The knowledge and skills you acquire will enhance your career prospects.
Financial Awareness
Be cautious with your finances this year. While opportunities may present themselves, avoid impulsive spending. Focus on budgeting and planning for the future to ensure stability.
Prioritize Well-Being
Maintaining your physical and mental health should be a priority. Engage in self-care practices, such as exercise and relaxation techniques, to recharge your energies. A balanced approach will help you navigate the fast-paced year ahead.
Romantic Possibilities
For those seeking love, this year offers exciting romantic opportunities. Be open to connections and allow relationships to blossom naturally, prioritizing communication and understanding.
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Dragon
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
The Year of the Horse presents a vibrant landscape for individuals born in the Year of the Dragon. This year is filled with opportunities for success, creativity, and bold endeavours.
Seize Opportunities with Confidence
This year will be marked by numerous opportunities for growth. Be proactive in pursuing new projects and initiatives that align with your ambitions. Your natural charisma and drive will attract positive attention.
Showcase Your Creativity
The Horse’s energy encourages creativity. Don’t hesitate to express your ideas and take innovative approaches to challenges. Your creativity will not only elevate your work but also inspire those around you.
Networking is Essential
Building and nurturing professional relationships will be crucial this year. Leverage your network to access new opportunities and advice. Collaborating with others can lead to significant advancements.
Financial Caution
Financially, exercise caution and mindfulness. While you may have opportunities for increased income, ensure that your decisions are well thought out to avoid any potential pitfalls.
Health and Fitness Focus
Prioritize your health this year by engaging in regular physical activity and maintaining a balanced diet. A commitment to your well-being will empower you to tackle the year’s challenges with vigor.
Romantic Ventures
In terms of romance, be open to new connections. The Year of the Horse may bring exciting potential for love, so allow relationships to develop naturally and don’t rush the process.
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Snake
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
For individuals born in the Year of the Snake, the Year of the Horse presents a dynamic environment filled with opportunities for self-reflection, growth, and strategic action.
Embrace Change Wisely
The fast-paced energy of the Horse can bring changes, but be selective about the opportunities you pursue. Embrace change that aligns with your long-term goals and values, ensuring that each step is intentional and well-considered.
Strategic Focus on Career Growth
This year is an excellent time for career advancement. Set clear goals and identify opportunities for growth. Use your keen insight to navigate professional landscapes, and don’t hesitate to take on new responsibilities that align with your ambitions.
Building Connections
Networking will be particularly beneficial this year. Strengthen your professional relationships and seek mentorship from those you admire. These connections can provide valuable insights and open doors to new opportunities.
Financial Planning
Financially, be cautious and strategic. While opportunities may arise, ensure you conduct thorough research before making significant investments. Stick to a budget and prioritize savings for long-term security.
Focus on Wellness
Your well-being should be a priority this year. Engage in activities that promote relaxation and mental clarity, such as meditation, yoga, or spending time in nature. A balanced approach to physical and mental health will support your endeavors.
Personal Growth and Learning
Embrace opportunities for personal development. Whether through formal education or self-directed learning, investing in your growth will be beneficial. Explore new interests that expand your horizons and enrich your perspective.
Nurturing Relationships
In your personal life, prioritize open communication with loved ones. This year is a good time to strengthen bonds and resolve any lingering tensions. If you’re seeking romance, be patient, and allow relationships to unfold organically.
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Horse
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
Entering the Year of the Horse, individuals born in this sign will find themselves in a transformative period filled with potential. Each Horse has unique lessons to learn this year, and embracing these can lead to significant progress.
Heed Important Warnings
While the Year of the Horse brings excitement, it’s important to be mindful of a few key warnings:
Avoid Overreaching: Strive for ambition but be cautious not to stretch yourself too thin.
Maintain Positive Relationships: Nurture connections with those who support your lifestyle and goals.
Take Your Time: Approach tasks thoughtfully; rushing can lead to oversights.
Practice Financial Discipline: Be mindful of your spending habits to maintain stability.
Career and Learning Opportunities
This is an excellent year to embrace new learning opportunities and job prospects. By putting in the necessary effort, your reputation will flourish and doors will open for you. Don’t hesitate to seek advice from key contacts who can guide you along this journey.
Financial Outlook
Financially, you may find opportunities to increase your income. Stay attuned to options that can enhance your financial situation.
Adventure Awaits
Travel will be a significant focus this year. Your adventurous and curious nature will thrive as you explore new places and experiences.
Mix Up Your Activities
Consider diversifying your activities this year by picking up a new hobby. Prioritize your well-being by paying attention to your diet and exercise routines. You might also explore classes that promote movement and health.
Consider a Move
If you’ve been contemplating a change of residence, this year could bring excitement in that area. However, ensure you’re financially prepared to avoid overstretching your budget.
Cultivate New Connections
The Year of the Horse is ideal for forging new friendships, particularly through your new pursuits.
Nurturing Romance
For those interested in starting a new romance, remember to take your time. Allow relationships to develop slowly, fostering trust and respect.
In summary, the Year of the Horse presents a unique opportunity for self-discovery and growth. By seizing new learning experiences while prioritizing your health, you can navigate this exciting year with success and fulfilment.
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Sheep/Goat
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
The Year of the Horse brings a vibrant energy for individuals born in the Year of the Sheep. This year is full of opportunities for growth, creativity, and collaboration.
Embrace Change and Creativity
Change will be abundant this year. Embrace it with an open heart and mind. Your creative ideas will flow, offering you the chance to express yourself and innovate. Don’t hesitate to explore new avenues in your personal and professional life.
Collaboration is Key
This year emphasizes teamwork and collaboration. Building strong relationships with colleagues and friends will be crucial, as these connections can open doors to new opportunities. Be sure to contribute your unique perspective while valuing the input of others.
Focus on Personal Growth
Take time to invest in your personal development. Whether it’s pursuing further education, attending workshops, or exploring new hobbies, now is the time to expand your skillset. The effort you invest will yield positive results.
Financial Prudence
Financially, this year encourages careful planning and management. Avoid taking unnecessary risks; instead, focus on smart investments and budgeting. This approach will provide stability and security.
Health and Well-Being
Prioritize your health and well-being this year. Engage in self-care practices that rejuvenate you, such as exercise, mindfulness, and a balanced diet. Maintaining your physical and mental health will empower you to face challenges with resilience.
Social Connections
Expect to form new friendships and strengthen existing ones. Social interactions will be rewarding, so make time for gatherings and events. These connections can lead to both personal joy and professional opportunities.
Nurture Romantic Relationships
If you’re seeking romance, be open to new connections. Allow relationships to develop at a natural pace, emphasizing trust and mutual respect.
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Monkey
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
As we enter the Year of the Horse, individuals born in the Year of the Monkey are encouraged to prioritize consistency and balance. This year is about maintaining equilibrium between your social life and work commitments.
Stay Focused on Your Priorities
With the Horse’s dynamic energy, distractions can abound. It’s essential to stick to your priorities while ensuring you dedicate time to loved ones as well as address work responsibilities. Striking this balance will create a harmonious environment both personally and professionally.
Embrace New Opportunities with Caution
Monkeys are naturally curious, which often leads them to new ideas and projects. The Year of the Horse heralds change and presents numerous opportunities, but it’s vital to evaluate whether a new project aligns with your skills and standards. This year is not about “winging it”—consider investing time or resources into training or additional preparations. Think carefully about the opportunity cost that comes with each prospect.
Financial Management
Financially, this year shows promise for Monkeys, provided you avoid extravagance and remain mindful of your spending. Plan vacations well in advance to maximize experiences that enrich your life. Travel will inspire creativity and strengthen connections with others.
Invest in Personal Hobbies
Setting aside time for personal hobbies is crucial this year. Engaging in activities you love will help you rebalance your energies and maintain your well-being.
Social Connections
Enjoying time with friends and family will be fulfilling, but be cautious about keeping secrets—as this year, they may be challenging to keep hidden. Involve your partner and family in discussions about your hopes and plans, as their support can be invaluable.
Manage Your Energy Wisely
Be aware of your energy levels. When you feel low, you may be more susceptible to conflicts that you’d rather avoid. Prioritize self-care to maintain your stamina and avoid unnecessary stress.
In summary, the Year of the Horse offers Monkeys a wealth of opportunities for growth and connection. By staying focused and maintaining balance, you can navigate this vibrant year with confidence and resilience.
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Rooster
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
For individuals born in the Year of the Rooster, the Year of the Horse is a dynamic time filled with opportunities for growth and self-expression.
Boldly Pursue New Goals
This year encourages you to boldly pursue your goals. Whether in your career or personal life, don’t hesitate to take well-calculated risks that can lead to significant rewards.
Communicate Clearly
Effective communication will be vital this year. Make an effort to express your ideas and thoughts clearly, as this will strengthen your relationships and foster collaboration.
Focus on Personal and Professional Development
This is an excellent year for skill enhancement and professional growth. Consider taking courses or attending workshops that can improve your competency in your field. Your dedication will enhance your reputation.
Mind Your Finances
Financially, the Year of the Horse encourages careful planning. Avoid unnecessary expenditures and focus on investments that will yield long-term benefits. Maintaining a budget will ensure stability.
Nurture Your Well-Being
Don’t neglect your health. Engage in activities that promote physical fitness and mental clarity. A focus on well-being this year will empower you to meet challenges with resilience.
New Connections in Romance
Expect to meet interesting new people this year, especially in social settings. For those seeking romance, take your time to build meaningful connections that are grounded in trust.
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Dog
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
The Year of the Horse promises to be a generally positive and transformative period for individuals born under the Dog sign. This year is filled with change and opportunities, particularly for those who are ambitious and focused.
Seize Opportunities for Growth
This is a prime year to capitalize on your growing reputation and leverage your past successes. If you’ve felt stagnant in your personal or professional trajectory over the last year or two, now is the time to apply for that new course or job. Standstill is not an option—embrace the opportunities as they arise and make bold moves.
Expand Your Social Network
Building your friendship network will be crucial this year. Every connection could lead to new possibilities, and if you’ve had a slow start in making friends, expect a whirlwind of opportunities to meet fascinating new people in the months ahead.
Commit to Hard Work
While opportunities will be abundant, maximizing them will require hard work and dedication. Focus on learning new skills and investing in your personal interests. Believing in yourself and your capabilities will be essential for navigating the challenges and opportunities ahead.
Stay Vigilant with Your Belongings
In this fast-paced year, be mindful of your security and valuables. The likelihood of losing items can increase, so take precautions to safeguard your belongings.
Travel with Purpose
If you plan to travel this year, take some time to consider your objectives. Maximize your experiences by planning visits to important sights that resonate with your interests and aspirations.
Romantic Flourish
Expect romance to blossom this year! For single Dogs, the Year of the Horse offers exciting new romantic opportunities. Dive into social situations and be open to connections that could turn into meaningful relationships.
Family Matters
While home life will progress at a lively pace, certain periods may necessitate prioritizing family due to the needs of a particular member. Your innate caring nature as a Dog will serve you well, but don’t hesitate to seek advice to maintain perspective during these times.
In summary, the Year of the Horse provides a promising landscape for Dogs to ride the waves of opportunity and energy. Embrace the pace of change and allow yourself to thrive in this vibrant year ahead!
The Year of the Horse for Those Born Under the Pig
by Justin Tan (Instagram justintan1810)
The Year of the Horse brings a fresh wave of energy for individuals born in the Year of the Pig. This is a year rich with opportunities for growth, collaboration, and personal fulfillment.
Embrace New Opportunities
This year signifies the potential for new ventures and experiences. Be open to exploring different paths, whether in your career or personal life. The Horse’s energy supports taking initiative.
Collaborate with Others
Teamwork will be essential this year. Strengthening your relationships with colleagues and friends can lead to collective success. Embrace collaborative projects that allow you to shine while also supporting those around you.
Prioritize Learning and Growth
Invest in your personal and professional development by seeking educational opportunities. Whether through formal courses or self-directed learning, expanding your knowledge will serve you well.
Financial Stability
Financially, this year encourages careful monitoring of your expenses. Focus on long-term financial planning rather than impulsive purchases. Saving for the future will benefit you.
Focus on Well-Being
Prioritize self-care to maintain your physical and mental health. Engaging in activities that nourish your well-being will help you manage the fast pace of the year ahead.
Romantic Relationships
Expect to experience growth in your romantic relationships. For those seeking love, be open to new connections, and allow relationships to develop at a healthy pace.
Rumination is a cognitive process that involves repeatedly focusing on the causes, consequences, and symptoms of distressing thoughts and feelings. While it is a common response to stress and adversity, excessive rumination can exacerbate mental health issues, including anxiety and depression. Understanding this phenomenon is crucial for breaking the cycle of rumination and promoting emotional well-being.
What is Rumination?
Rumination is defined as “a persistent focus on symptoms of distress and the implications of those symptoms” (Nolen-Hoeksema, 1991). It can be seen as a maladaptive coping mechanism, where you engage in repetitive thinking about problems without moving toward solutions. This cognitive pattern not only prolongs feelings of sadness but also leads to further emotional difficulties.
Research by Roelofs et al. (2009) highlights that rumination is linked to the onset and maintenance of various mood disorders. Their findings indicate that when you ruminate about negative emotions, you are more likely to experience prolonged depressive episodes. Suppressing emotions while continuing to ruminate creates a vicious cycle that heightens feelings of helplessness. Therefore, it is vital to break the cycle of rumination.
The Psychological Mechanisms Behind Rumination
Rumination is driven by several cognitive and emotional processes. It often stems from a desire to understand your thoughts and feelings better; however, this can paradoxically lead to intensified distress. Rumination occurs in two primary forms:
Staying Stuck: This involves a passive focus on symptoms of distress, leading to feelings of hopelessness and exhaustion. If you don’t move away from rumination, it continues.
Reflection: While reflection can be constructive and help you gain insight, it might become maladaptive when it transforms into procrastination or self-criticism. When your inner critic dominates, overriding your inner champion, you are likely to stay stuck, criticising yourself further.
Research by Nolen-Hoeksema et al. (2008) indicates that brooding is particularly associated with negative outcomes, such as increased depression severity and lower levels of psychological well-being.
Breaking the Rumination Cycle
Although rumination can feel inescapable, several evidence-based strategies can help you break this cycle:
Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT focuses on identifying and challenging negative thought patterns. By reframing maladaptive thoughts and beliefs, you can reduce the intensity of ruminative thinking. Studies, including one by Hofmann et al. (2012), demonstrate CBT’s effectiveness in treating anxiety and depression by reducing rumination.
Mindfulness-Based Interventions: Mindfulness encourages you to focus on the present moment, effectively reducing the tendency to ruminate. Research shows that mindfulness practices can decrease rumination and enhance emotional regulation (Keng, Smoski, & Robins, 2011). Techniques such as meditation or mindful breathing help you gain awareness of your thoughts without becoming entangled in them.
Activity Scheduling: Engaging in meaningful activities can shift your focus away from ruminative thoughts. Researchers have found that scheduling enjoyable activities increases positive mood and decreases rumination (Teasdale et al., 2002). Creating a list of activities that bring you joy can be a practical step in breaking the cycle.
Thought Logs: Using a thought log allows for cognitive restructuring. Research by Beck et al. (1979) emphasises the importance of identifying automatic thoughts through this practice. By recording negative thoughts and the situations that trigger them, you can better recognise cognitive distortions and construct rebuttals to help stop the power of the original rumination.
Journalling: Writing about your thoughts and feelings can serve as a healthy outlet for processing emotions. Expressive writing has been found to reduce rumination and promote emotional clarity (Pennebaker & Chung, 2011). Maintaining a journal can help you articulate your thoughts and explore your feelings in a structured manner. Sometimes, a therapist will encourage you to respond to prompts to direct your thinking in specific ways.
Self-Compassion: Neff (2003) introduced the concept of self-compassion as a counter to the harsh inner critic. Research has shown that self-compassion practices can reduce negative self-judgment and increase emotional resilience. Neff’s studies indicate that developing self-compassionate responses instead of critical self-talk leads to lower levels of anxiety and depression.
Social Connectivity: Connecting with others can diminish feelings of isolation and provide different perspectives on distressing thoughts. A study by Rook (1984) showed that social support significantly reduces the likelihood of rumination. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups to facilitate this process.
Breaking the cycle of rumination is essential for improving mental health and emotional well-being. By employing evidence-based strategies such as cognitive-behavioural techniques, activity scheduling, mindfulness interventions, social support, journalling, and self-compassion, you can develop healthier cognitive patterns. As you recognise the destructive nature of rumination, equip yourself with effective tools to foster resilience and promote mental wellness.
References
Beck, A. T., Rush, A. J., Shaw, B. F., & Emery, G. (1979). Cognitive Therapy of Depression. New York: Guilford Press.
Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The Efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Meta-Analysis. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427–440.
Keng, S. L., Smoski, M. J., & Robins, C. J. (2011). Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: A review of empirical studies. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(6), 1041–1056.
Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (1991). Responses to Depression: An Elaborated Process Model. Psychological Bulletin, 109(3), 500–503.
Nolen-Hoeksema, S., Wisco, B. E., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). Rethinking Rumination. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3(5), 400–424.
Pennebaker, J. W., & Chung, C. K. (2011). Expressive writing: Connections to mental and physical health. In The Oxford Handbook of Health Psychology (pp. 417–437).
Rook, K. S. (1984). Situations of social isolation and the well-being of older adults. The Journal of Gerontology, 39(2), 166–175.
Roelofs, J., Huibers, M. J. H., & van der Wee, N. J. A. (2009). The relationship between rumination and depression: A longitudinal study. Psychological Medicine, 39(1), 27–35.
Teasdale, J. D., Moore, R. G., Hayhurst, H., & Tixier, M. (2002). Forming a new cognitive style: A model of cognitive therapy. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 40(9), 1043–1057.
As an experienced counselor, I recognize that many teenagers and young adults are turning to AI chatbots for emotional support. While there are noteworthy benefits to using these tools, experts advise that AI should complement, not replace, traditional therapy. The introduction of AI chatbots into mental health care raises significant ethical and risk-related concerns.
Benefits of AI Chatbots
AI chatbots offer several advantages, notably:
Constant Access: Chatbots provide 24/7 support, making them readily available for adolescents who may need help outside of traditional therapy hours.
Affordability: They can serve as an accessible alternative for those who cannot afford professional therapy.
Supportive Interaction: Bots engage users warmly, which can be reassuring, yet this inherent supportiveness also warrants caution.
Proven Warnings and Risks
Despite these benefits, there are considerable risks associated with the use of AI chatbots in mental health support:
Inadequate and Unsafe Advice: Research shows that chatbots can deliver unsafe, incomplete, or dangerous advice when faced with subtle expressions of distress or suicidal thoughts. Some bots have even provided instructions for self-harm or ways to commit suicide.
Missed Warning Signs and Misinterpretations: AI chatbots frequently overlook critical warning signs of mental health crises, misreading cues and failing to recognize conditions like anxiety and depression.
Sycophancy: This refers to excessive flattery from chatbots, which could distort relationships and hinder honest dialogue. Unlike human therapists, chatbots do not risk therapeutic rupture by providing corrective feedback.
Reinforcement of Harmful Beliefs: By mirroring user inputs, chatbots sometimes validate harmful thoughts without offering corrective guidance, which can lead to entrenched negative mindsets.
Lack of Emotional Depth: AI chatbots are not equipped to provide the nuanced understanding and emotional connection that a trained professional can offer, especially in crises.
Developmental Vulnerabilities: Teenagers’ brains are still maturing, particularly in areas related to impulse control and emotional regulation. Consequently, they may be more influenced by chatbot interactions, mistaking immediate solutions for effective coping strategies.
Erosion of Real-World Connections: Over-reliance on AI chatbots can inhibit the development of essential social skills, as excessive online interaction, similar to compulsive gaming, can isolate teens from real-life relationships.
Lack of Oversight and Regulation: The rapid proliferation of AI therapy bots has occurred without adequate regulation, leading to significant safety and ethical concerns. Ongoing legal cases in the U.S. highlight the potential dangers faced by young users.
Research Findings
Recent studies underscore the need for awareness and caution regarding AI chatbots used for mental health support:
A survey from Common Sense Media found that 72% of American teenagers have utilized AI chatbots, with nearly one-eighth seeking emotional support.
Research indicated that chatbots endorsed harmful behaviors or proposals 32% of the time across various simulated scenarios.
A study by the RAND Corporation revealed that 13% of participants aged 12 to 21 had sought AI tools for psychological support.
An investigation by Common Sense Media and Stanford Medicine identified systematic failures in AI chatbots’ abilities to detect crises and guide users to professional care.
Conclusion
While AI chatbots have the potential to enhance support for teen mental health, they should be understood as tools that complement—not replace—human therapists. Mental health professionals must remain vigilant regarding ethical standards and the inherent limitations of these technologies. Implementing robust safeguards, transparency, and careful oversight will be essential to ensure that we provide safe and effective resources for our youth.
Experiencing exclusion from peer groups is a common yet distressing event for teenagers, particularly among girls, though boys can also be affected. This sense of rejection can be incredibly stressful, often leaving lasting impacts on self-esteem that persist well into adulthood.
So, how can you best support your teenager through this painful and challenging experience?
Diversify Their Friendship Base
Exclusion can be an emotionally debilitating experience, as it underscores feelings of abandonment and loneliness. When your teen finds themselves alienated, it’s vital to encourage them to seek out new friendships and environments where they feel accepted.
Encourage your teen to cultivate a diverse group of friends both in and outside of school. When exclusion occurs, they should not feel obliged to remain in an environment where they are being ignored. Instead, they should be supported in reaching out to other friends or making new connections. It’s important to remind them that discussing their exclusion with others is entirely appropriate and common; many peers have experienced similar situations and can offer empathy.
Uphold Family Values
During these challenging times, it is crucial to provide strong support as a family. Simple acts, such as spending more quality time together, can reinforce the notion that family remains a reliable source of comfort. For instance, picking your teen up from school for an enjoyable meal, playing games, or watching films together can remind them that, while friendships are significant, family connections are steadfast and invaluable during adversity.
Embrace Openness
There should be no embarrassment surrounding experiences of exclusion. It could stem from misunderstandings or reasons unknown to your teen. Nevertheless, exclusion can diminish one’s self-worth only if it goes unchallenged. Teach your teen to recognise that being excluded does not imply unloveability, despite what their internal dialogue may convey. Remember, “Thoughts are not facts.”
Conflict within groups is inevitable, and exclusion can often be a sign of immaturity. While one might hope that individuals mature beyond such behaviour, it is not uncommon for adults to wield exclusion as a means of managing conflict in professional and personal settings.
Name the Behaviour
A significant issue with exclusion, particularly among girls, is that it often lacks transparency. Instead of openly admitting to excluding someone, groups might feign busyness to avoid meeting up. Allowing such behaviour to go unchallenged only perpetuates hurtful dynamics. Encourage your teen to address the issue directly. For instance, rather than making ambiguous statements like, “I understand you’re all very busy,” they could assert, “It seems you are choosing to exclude me from the group.” This directness instils a sense of accountability rather than permitting hurtful excuses to flourish.
While some peers may initially accept exclusion, prolonged periods can compel individuals to reflect on their choices. It is essential for your teen to recognise that the continued exclusion is a choice made by their peers.
Seek Professional Support
Consider facilitating access to counselling for your child during this time. A competent counsellor can help them distinguish their responsibilities from the actions of others, and navigate the often subtle dynamics of group membership. These sessions can also serve as an opportunity for your teen to explore their identity and values amidst the turmoil of exclusion.
While these episodes may be painful, they also present a chance for reflection on personal beliefs and aspirations. Ideally, your child should emerge from these experiences with a strengthened sense of self and improved interpersonal skills.
Contemplate Forgiveness
Recognise that teenagers may act impulsively. They are still developing their moral and reflective abilities. In group conflict, exclusion can be employed as a control tactic by certain members, often without the collective agreement of all group members. Over time, excluders might reach out again, prompting your teen to decide whether to forgive or to sever ties with their former friends. Forgiveness can be a valuable consideration.
However, if your teen chooses to forgive, remind them to remain cautious. A diversified friendship base is the best defence against future exclusion. While they may rekindle friendships with those who once excluded them, it’s vital to ensure they maintain a broad network of supportive peers.
Allow Time to Heal
While some friendship dynamics can collapse entirely, exclusion often does not last long—typically around a week. Although it may feel interminable in the moment, ensuring your teen cares for themselves during this period is crucial. If exclusion persists beyond a couple of weeks, it may be wise to involve the school or explore alternative solutions.
Encourage Productive Use of Time
When friendships falter, teens may find themselves with unallocated time they previously spent with friends. As exclusion generally does not last long, encourage your teenager to consider how they might utilise this newfound time in a constructive way. Whether through exploring a new hobby or dedicating time to studies, this can provide both distraction and development.
Re-enter Social Spaces
In the initial stages of exclusion, it is advisable for your teenager to temporarily withdraw from environments where they are being ignored as a self-protective measure. However, after building new friendships or securing counselling, encourage them to re-enter these spaces once they feel stronger. Excluders benefit from your absence; returning to these environments compels them to confront their own behaviour, which can induce discomfort and may, in turn, prompt changes in their previously accepted dynamics.
Inform the School, If Necessary
Discuss with your teenager whether to inform the school about the exclusion. While schools often encourage students to approach teachers regarding such issues, complaints can backfire on those reporting them, complicating the decision for teens
My professional recommendation is to keep your child close. Establish a deadline for informing the school if issues persist. During this time, your teen may reassess their feelings towards their excluders, which could inform their decision moving forward. Work with your teen as a team.
About the Author
Angela Watkins is a counsellor and psychologist with extensive experience supporting teenagers and adults in navigating issues such as self-esteem, interpersonal relationships, anxiety, depression, substance addiction, and recovery from trauma. To contact Angela for a session, email angelaw@reddoor.hk.
Divorce is a significant life event that often brings with it a complex and profound sense of grief. This grief is not only multifaceted, lasting long after the legal proceedings have concluded, but it is also frequently disenfranchised, leaving individuals feeling as though they lack the right to mourn their loss.
It’s essential to understand that grief can manifest even if you are the one who initiated the separation. In many cases, the decision to end an unhealthy marriage is the last resort taken to safeguard one’s mental health.
Those navigating this challenging transition often find themselves mourning various aspects of their previous lives. This includes:
Changes in social standing
Lifestyle shifts
Disillusionment with their partner’s perceived image
The profound redefinition of what it means to be a family
Loss of personal identity
Relationships with friends
The comforting routines that once characterised married life
The absence of another parent during stressful times
The intimate connection that was shared
Throughout the divorce process, counselling can play a crucial role, guiding individuals towards healthy and constructive ways to grieve rather than falling into maladaptive patterns.
Maladaptive responses to grief can take many forms, such as:
Denying one’s feelings or the feelings of others
Blaming others for personal emotional pain
Distracting oneself with meaningless activities to fill the void
Being consumed by thoughts of revenge or self-pity
Continuing to engage in conflict with an ex-partner
And even resorting to self-medication as a coping mechanism
Counsellors can assist individuals in managing their grief adaptively by:
Helping them recognise and label their emotions—understanding that anger is often sadness expressed outwardly.
Guiding them to reframe their perspectives so they can move forward rather than feel immobilised or engage in self-destructive behaviour.
Assisting in reworking past experiences for empowerment in the context of divorce.
Encouraging a reimagined approach to co-parenting, viewing it from perspectives beyond the traditional nuclear family model.
Supporting individuals in auditing their lives, empowering them to engage in activities that promote personal growth and forward momentum.
Encouraging the creation and celebration of rituals that honour the grief experienced during divorce.
Advocating for the rights of their own emotional well-being and championing others who may feel disenfranchised in their divorce journey.
Divorce is undoubtedly challenging, but by recognising and addressing the grief associated with it, individuals can navigate this tumultuous time with grace and ultimately emerge stronger and more resilient.
If you feel stuck in the grief of separation or divorce, consider counselling, or joining a support group such as the Iron Fairies.
Have you ever questioned your relationship with alcohol? It is a common question as part of your resolutions for a new year.
Have you ever made rules for yourself in regard to your drinking behaviours? For example do you find you promising yourself ” I’ll only drink wine, nothing stronger” or “I’ll only have 3 drinks max before I go home – no more”? Has anyone close to you asked you about your drinking volume or behaviours? Do you ever wonder if your drinking is getting out of your control? Many people do. You are not alone.
From time to time, it is healthy to reflect on the aspects of your life which are working, and are not. Take a moment to think about if your drinking is making your life better, or is possibly a contributing factor in making your life experience, worse.
When people look at their relationship with alcohol they often consider taking a break. Taking a break is a great idea. I recommend a month rather than a week. If this sounds an overwhelming request, read on.
Perhaps you don’t feel confident to break up, or perhaps you think you really need alcohol in order to be you (ie a co-dependent style relationship). Its actually very common for people to be concerned about their drinking. Catherine Gray, in the book, The unexpected joy of being sober, suggests that that one third of regular drinkers are worried that they drink too much, but only half of those who worry actually do something about their drinking behaviour.
It isn’t your fault if you are confused or even ashamed about your relationship with alcohol. You have been tricked, entangled, and trapped, in that relationship. Advertising and society treat alcohol as a social lubricant when it is more of a social charlatan, suggesting it is the route to a good time, rather than communicating the reality of alcohol as silent poison which destroys more relationships than it creates. The harmful use of alcohol is a global problem as alcohol is a major risk factor in health and social issues such as violence, accidents, child neglect, absenteeism and mental health issues.
How do you know if you have a drinking problem, not just a drinking habit?
The following is NOT a diagnostic test, but includes some of the types of questions that would be used for a formal diagnosis of substance abuse issues. Please answer Yes or No to the following 10 questions.
In the past year have there been times when you have consumed more alcohol, or drank for a longer period, than you had originally intended?
In the past year, has your drinking interfered with your relationship with friends, family or work colleagues?
In the past year, have you missed work, or key appointments on a few occasions because of alcohol consumption the night before?
In the past year, have you wanted to cut down your drinking amount or frequency and found yourself unable to do so?
In the past year, have you blacked-out as a consequence from drinking alcohol?
In the past year, have you lost personal items such as your keys, or wallet, whilst you were inebriated?
In the past year, have you missed work, or key appointments on a few occasions because of alcohol consumption the night before?
In the past year, have you noticed that your tolerance to alcohol has increased, and you now need to consume more alcohol in order to feel it’s effects?
In the past year, have you found yourself in situations where you may have compromised your personal safety, or the safety of others, as a consequence of consuming alcohol
In the past year, have you started to experience some of the symptoms frequently labelled as alcohol withdrawal, when you are not drinking including shaking, experiencing a racing heart, sweating more than usual, nausea, or trouble sleeping?
Scoring: How many questions did you answer with a “YES” response? If you answered 3 or more with a YES, then I recommend you consider to break-up with the booze, if only for a short period (3 months), and possibly longer. You can break free of the shame of that you can feel when alcohol dominates your life, and decisions, and you want to feel and act differently. You CAN put that shame behind you and live a better life. Consider some of the books and resources listed below.
If you want to take a break there are a number of options for you to consider – from books, to online resources, to face to face support. There are a number of resources that can help you give up for a week, a month, a year, or longer.
Books that could help:
There are a number of books that support breaks from alcohol, of any period. In my opinion the books sharing the experience of the author seem more compelling, and less judgmental than some of the more academic books. I have included both styles of books in the following list. Many of these books are recommended by online support groups. These books can easily be found from online book retailers.
This Naked Mind – Annie Grace
It is easy to understand why this book is a best-seller. This book explores links links between the unconscious and conscious mind to help create motivation for change. The techniques used help readers explore their relationship to alcohol, so that giving up reminds you that you are embracing regained freedom rather than focusing on what you fear you might be missing out on. I would recommend this as a first book to read if you are considering any kind of break.
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober – Catherine Gray
Another popular best-seller, the unexpected joy is a well written memoir with extremely practical advice and insights. Gray provides information to help you staying sober for 30 days, and abstinence beyond . There is a great Facebook page attached to this label online.
Glorious Rock Bottom – Bryony Gordon.
Bryony Gordon recounts her lived experience of quitting and recovery from alcohol and cocaine addition. Simply put she describes her journey as, “I stopped drinking because I wanted to start living”. A raw and heartfelt account of her movement into and out of the shame of her addiction. Whilst the truth hurts, it also heals.
Alcohol Lied to Me – Craig Beck
Craig Beck was a highly functional, “2 bottles of wine a night” drinker. From the outset, he looked like he had his drinking under control, but that wasn’t his reality. Craig Beck has written a treasure trove of quit drinking books and has programmes attached to his model. The process starts with exploring misconceptions that we hold about alcohol.
Nothing Good Can Come from This – Kirsti Coulter
This memoir of one woman’s journey to sober, provides a sometimes funny, and worrying, commentary on women and their problematic love relationship to alcohol.
Girl Walks Out of a Bar – Lisa Smith
Another recover from alcohol focused memoir, this book explores cases of individuals who have been successful career wise, but struggled in their relationships with alcohol. Lisa Smith provides a real, emotive take on her experience of recovery. One of the most common excuses people use to keep drinkings, is that they are still able to, successfully, hold down a job.
Push off from here – Laura McKowen
This personal account of alcohol recovery is a deep dive into the 9 messages that McKowen need to hear, learn and accept as part of her journey to sobriety. For each of the 9 messages McKowen recounts how she came to assimilate each of the key learnings. This is a helpful book to help you understand that its not your fault, but what you choose to do is your responsibility.
Almost Alcoholic – Robert Doyle & Joseph Nowinski
A fairly academic book written by clinical psychologists. This book outlines the problematic drinking behaviour which does not reach the level of diagnostic classification, outlining the cost of their drinking and providing practical cessation and limitation guidelines.
Sober Evolution: Evolve into sobriety and recover your alcoholic marriage – Matt Salis
Part lived experience, part advice, Matt Salis details his journey to sobriety and through marriage repair. A loving relationship and alcoholism can not co-exist. This is the reason that there is a 50% divorce rate for alcoholic marriages. Salis does not hold back. His message, for people who have out of control relationships with alcohol you have three choices: quit now; quit later; or drink yourself to death. Salis doesn’t sugar coat the reality of how difficult and shameful it feels to not drink when you associate with your regular drinking friends. Additionally marriage recovery is not automatic – there is still work to do. Salis, though, thinks it is well worth it.
Drinking: A love story – Caroline Knapp.
“I drank when I was happy and I drank when I was anxious and I drank when I was bored and I drank when I was depressed, which was often”.
Caroline Knapp exemplified the phrase “high functioning alcoholic”, until she didn’t. Like many others, her ability to work well delayed her decision to quit. This is another great lived experience book that may motivate you to explore your relationship to alcohol. Knapp, had been able to follow her own rules around drinking, and therefore avoid the consideration that she might have a problem. Through starting to explore her relationship with alcohol she realised that booze had become a great love affair, and like other affairs, it was not actually helping her be the version of herself she wanted to be..
With more than 35 meetings a week in Hong Kong, this is the most famous alcohol recovery programme on the planet. This 12 step program includes all the great milestones of change management including support groups, mentoring, personal exploration and no judgement. Some people have reservations about elements of AA, but there is no denying the good that AA tries to do to support people recovering from problems with alcohol.
SMART recovery is an alternative to AA, and doesn’t involve the attachment to higher power which some people find hard about the AA process.
SMART RECOVERY is a global community of 3000 support groups in which participants meet weekly to help each other overcome the life challenges caused by any addiction (to drugs, alcohol and behaviours such as gambling). Using SMART (Self-Management and Recovery Training), they find the power within themselves to change and lead fulfilling and balanced lives guided by a science-based and a 4 point programme focused towards building the motivation to change, be able to manage cravings of addiction, managing the thoughts and behaviours attached to addiction and lead a balanced life. You can connect with Smart Recovery on Facebook and On Instagram.
One Year No Beer – http://www.oneyearnobeer.com. One Year No Beer is a cessation programme that provides paid for support alcohol-free challenge options for one month, 3 month and 1 year programmes. Boasting over 55,000 members and plenty of tales from successful challenge completers, you can sample OYNB content on their Facebook page first to see if this is a good match for you. Many of the OYNB members take on positive health challenges aligned to their break from drinking, with added potential health benefits.
Attached to the Naked Mind platform, this 30 day free program (beyond that there is some cost) provides groups, mentors and advice how to move away from alcohol. Currently there are 35,000 users, and many success stories.
LifeRing is a worldwide, peer-led community dedicated to helping individuals achieve freedom from alcohol and non-medically indicated drugs. Their approach centers on personal empowerment encouraging individuals to develop and strengthen their relationship to a sober self, creating to help maintain abstinence. Groups available online.
Face-to-face therapy: Counselling
You may start your exploration of your relationship with alcohol in a relationship directly with a counsellor familiar with addiction recovery. Sometimes individual counselling is a nice complement to support groups. Therapeutic alliance, ie how much you feel you fit with your counsellor, is a major factor in the success of your therapy, so shop around to find the right fit for you. RED DOOR offers addiction counselling for alcohol and substance misuse. If you’d like some more questions about the RED DOOR offering feel free to contact reception@reddoor.hk or WhatsApp 852-93785428.
About the Author.
Angela Watkins is a counsellor and psychologist working out of RED DOOR Counselling in Hong Kong. Angela has an interest in helping families and individuals with anxiety and depression. Sometimes drug and alcohol consumption is a component of those emotional challenges. You can feel better. Come in and talk to someone about it.
The tradition of setting resolutions at the beginning of the New Year has a long history. In the time of Caesar’s Rome, the Senate decided that the new year would begin on the 1st January in reverence to that month’s name sake – the God Janus – the two-faced God who looks backward to the past and forward to the future at the same time. The Senate set the new intention for being kinder and more cooperative with each other when the new year began, and thus the tradition of New Year resolutions was created.
I like the idea of resolutions simply because you consider and embrace the opportunity to introduce change into your life. If the COVID pandemic taught us anything, it would be that we can not control change ENFORCED on us, but we can control change that is INVITED by us. Invite some positive change into your life this year.
Setting resolutions may seem unrealistic. A few years ago I worked with one of HK’s leading market research teams, CSG, to explore what people intended for their resolutions. Over 50 percent of the 900 people interviewed had set the same resolutions year after year. This might imply that they ‘failed’ last year to achieve their goal. So perhaps they should quit whilst they are ahead. We disagree.
Rather than seeing repeat resolution as a failure I feel it expresses determination to keep trying. As is often quoted (and attributed to several authors), it does not matter how many times you fall down, but rather how many times you get back up.
The only thing in life that is constant is change. It would be unrealistic to expect things to always stay the same. Resolutions allow you to invite change into your life on your terms. If you are going to experience change, why not accept that and invite the change that may create the biggest new opportunity, heal old hurts and invite the change that you have been searching for.
What happens if you fail in your resolution? You start well, but then your commitment tapers off. Don’t worry. Start again. If you slip up once or twice, or even twenty times. If you stay committed to what you want to accomplish, you’ll be proud of yourself in the end. And Chinese New Year is just around the courner, with a new invitation to invite change again.
Invite change. Invite growth. Happy New Year.
If you want help to achieve your new year goal our counsellors-in-training are here to help
For those of you interested in our original resolutions research – I have included some of the results of the CSG/RED DOOR research in order for you to understand what goals other people set.
Summary of some of the research by CSG and Red Door
We conducted a survey with 400 Hong Kong affluent individuals and 500 Chinese affluent regarding the resolutions they have intend for 2017, and their commitment to achieving these resolutions. From the survey, 61% (Hong Kong) and 59% (Chinese) affluent adults has made resolutions for 2017.
65% of women in Hong Kong made a resolution relative to only 57% men
The top 2 resolutions that women in Hong Kong made are: Health & Fitness (68%) + Money (63%)
80% of women in HK have concrete goals + time frames
Only 44% of these HK women made a new resolution
To achieve their resolution, they plan to do the following:
Chart their success (43%)
Make a change in their career (36%)
Change a regular habit (35%)
Change their look (32%)
They are making the resolution for themselves because 72% believed that they would be most impressed with the achievement of their resolution
62% of the women in HK have made resolutions that involved a financial commitment
They are willing to spend an average of HKD5,210 in the first month
Data suggest that HK women are making more resolution than men and are committed to achieving their resolution with financial investment.
There are some really good data for Chinese women that shows up a nice contrast to HK women.
We have also provided data for different age groups which have interest trends for female who are 35 – 44 years old
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