Divorce is often an emotionally challenging process. For some, it can become even more complicated when financial abuse is involved. Financial abuse is a form of control and manipulation that can leave victims drained, confused, and vulnerable—making the divorce process even more difficult. It may have existed throughout the marriage or only surfaced during separation. Unfortunately, many women in Hong Kong struggle to fund their divorce due to financially abusive behaviors by their ex-partners. Knowing what steps to take is essential.
What Is Financial Abuse?
Financial abuse occurs when one partner uses money or financial resources to exert power and control over the other. During divorce, these tactics can escalate, hindering the victim’s ability to achieve financial independence or protect their assets.
Common tactics of financial abuse include:
- Withholding money or access to funds to prevent one party from leaving or maintaining control
- Controlling all financial decisions, even after separation
- Stealing, hiding, or manipulating assets
- Refusing to pay shared debts or expenses
- Sabotaging credit scores or financial opportunities to limit future borrowing or employment options
- Using money demands as leverage in family matters—e.g., withholding access to children unless paid for holidays or other demands
Recognizing the Signs of Financial Abuse During Separation or Divorce
Be alert for these warning signs:
- Sudden changes in access to bank accounts or funds
- Neglect or refusal to pay shared bills
- Lack of awareness about joint financial details
- Manipulation or withholding of financial information
- Feeling intimidated or threatened regarding money matters
- Demands for financial arrangements tied to child care or visitation
Awareness of these signs is the first step toward taking action and protecting yourself.
How to Protect Yourself During Divorce — 10 Essential Considerations
If you suspect or know you are experiencing financial abuse, consider these steps to safeguard your financial well-being:
1. Gather Financial Documentation
Start collecting all relevant records—bank statements, tax returns, pay stubs, property deeds, loan documents—as early as possible. Store copies securely, in a safe physical location or encrypted digital storage inaccessible to your partner.
2. Open Personal Financial Accounts
If you share accounts, consider opening your own bank and credit accounts. This helps establish your own financial independence.
3. Seek Legal Advice
Consult with a lawyer experienced in divorce and financial abuse cases. A knowledgeable lawyer can guide you on protecting assets, understanding your legal rights, and pursuing remedies if abuse occurs.
4. Develop a Safety Plan
If you feel threatened or unsafe, create a safety plan that includes emergency contacts, a safe place to stay, and steps to take if your situation escalates. Never hesitate to prioritize your safety and that of your children.
5. Document Everything
Keep detailed records of agreements and communications with your ex-partner. Save emails, texts, or messages threatening your finances or demanding inappropriate arrangements. Share these with your lawyer, especially if protective orders are necessary.
6. Secure Your Financial Future
Work with legal counsel to ensure a fair division of assets and debts. Engage a financial advisor to understand your financial standing and plan ahead. Consider consulting a career coach or counselor about building a side income or expanding your vocational skills to foster long-term independence.
7. Limit Shared Access
Change passwords and restrict access to shared accounts. Avoid sharing sensitive financial information unless absolutely necessary, especially during legal proceedings.
8. Consider Protective Orders
In cases of coercion or control, requesting a protective order can provide legal safeguards. While lawyer fees may seem high, they often offer the best approach to balancing your needs and securing your rights.
9. Focus on Your Future
Despite the difficulties, actively work toward a new, secure future for yourself and your family. Support from legal professionals, support organizations, and mental health counselors can make this journey more manageable.
10. Seek Support
Divorce is tough, and facing it alone makes it harder. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. In Hong Kong, RED DOOR’s Iron Fairies offers therapeutic support specifically for women going through divorce, helping them find healing and empowerment. For more about Iron Fairies, check out the related blog links below.
About the author: Angela Watkins is a counsellor and psychologist working out of RED DOOR Counselling Hong Kong. Angela runs the Iron Fairies, Hong Kong’s therapeutic support group for women going through divorce.
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