Month: May 2025

What You Can Do If Your Divorce Involves Financial Abuse

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Divorce is often an emotionally challenging process. For some, it can become even more complicated when financial abuse is involved. Financial abuse is a form of control and manipulation that can leave victims drained, confused, and vulnerable—making the divorce process even more difficult. It may have existed throughout the marriage or only surfaced during separation. Unfortunately, many women in Hong Kong struggle to fund their divorce due to financially abusive behaviors by their ex-partners. Knowing what steps to take is essential.

What Is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse occurs when one partner uses money or financial resources to exert power and control over the other. During divorce, these tactics can escalate, hindering the victim’s ability to achieve financial independence or protect their assets.

Common tactics of financial abuse include:

  • Withholding money or access to funds to prevent one party from leaving or maintaining control
  • Controlling all financial decisions, even after separation
  • Stealing, hiding, or manipulating assets
  • Refusing to pay shared debts or expenses
  • Sabotaging credit scores or financial opportunities to limit future borrowing or employment options
  • Using money demands as leverage in family matters—e.g., withholding access to children unless paid for holidays or other demands

Recognizing the Signs of Financial Abuse During Separation or Divorce

Be alert for these warning signs:

  • Sudden changes in access to bank accounts or funds
  • Neglect or refusal to pay shared bills
  • Lack of awareness about joint financial details
  • Manipulation or withholding of financial information
  • Feeling intimidated or threatened regarding money matters
  • Demands for financial arrangements tied to child care or visitation

Awareness of these signs is the first step toward taking action and protecting yourself.

How to Protect Yourself During Divorce — 10 Essential Considerations

If you suspect or know you are experiencing financial abuse, consider these steps to safeguard your financial well-being:

1. Gather Financial Documentation
Start collecting all relevant records—bank statements, tax returns, pay stubs, property deeds, loan documents—as early as possible. Store copies securely, in a safe physical location or encrypted digital storage inaccessible to your partner.

2. Open Personal Financial Accounts
If you share accounts, consider opening your own bank and credit accounts. This helps establish your own financial independence.

3. Seek Legal Advice
Consult with a lawyer experienced in divorce and financial abuse cases. A knowledgeable lawyer can guide you on protecting assets, understanding your legal rights, and pursuing remedies if abuse occurs.

4. Develop a Safety Plan
If you feel threatened or unsafe, create a safety plan that includes emergency contacts, a safe place to stay, and steps to take if your situation escalates. Never hesitate to prioritize your safety and that of your children.

5. Document Everything
Keep detailed records of agreements and communications with your ex-partner. Save emails, texts, or messages threatening your finances or demanding inappropriate arrangements. Share these with your lawyer, especially if protective orders are necessary.

6. Secure Your Financial Future
Work with legal counsel to ensure a fair division of assets and debts. Engage a financial advisor to understand your financial standing and plan ahead. Consider consulting a career coach or counselor about building a side income or expanding your vocational skills to foster long-term independence.

7. Limit Shared Access
Change passwords and restrict access to shared accounts. Avoid sharing sensitive financial information unless absolutely necessary, especially during legal proceedings.

8. Consider Protective Orders
In cases of coercion or control, requesting a protective order can provide legal safeguards. While lawyer fees may seem high, they often offer the best approach to balancing your needs and securing your rights.

9. Focus on Your Future
Despite the difficulties, actively work toward a new, secure future for yourself and your family. Support from legal professionals, support organizations, and mental health counselors can make this journey more manageable.

10. Seek Support
Divorce is tough, and facing it alone makes it harder. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. In Hong Kong, RED DOOR’s Iron Fairies offers therapeutic support specifically for women going through divorce, helping them find healing and empowerment. For more about Iron Fairies, check out the related blog links below.

About the author: Angela Watkins is a counsellor and psychologist working out of RED DOOR Counselling Hong Kong. Angela runs the Iron Fairies, Hong Kong’s therapeutic support group for women going through divorce.

Other blogs you might find useful

Become a groupie: the benefits of group therapy.
Get into a group: English language support or therapy groups available in Hong Kong

“Paw”sing for Grief

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Having a pet is a wonderful experience. They become beloved members of our families and bring joy and companionship into our lives. Unfortunately, like all living beings, pets will someday pass away. Sometimes, we need to end their suffering; at other times, they simply grow old. Loss can be especially painful if your pet dies suddenly in an accident.

The death of any pet—regardless of how it occurs—is deeply painful. It’s important to acknowledge your loss, out of respect for both yourself and your beloved companion.

Here are six recommendations to help you heal from the pain:

1. Recognize and Respect Your Feelings

The loss of a cherished animal companion is significant. Allow yourself to feel sad. Cry if you need to. Don’t rush through your grief. Be wary of well-meaning but dismissive comments like, “Get over it— it was just a dog/cat.” Remember, your pet was a loved family member. Grief often comes in waves—initially intense and overwhelming, gradually softening over time. Years later, unexpected waves of sadness may still wash over you.

2. Talk About It

Don’t keep your feelings bottled up or feel guilty about sharing your sorrow. Friends and family can provide invaluable support during this time. Even if you don’t fully understand someone’s grief, showing empathy is meaningful. If a friend has lost a pet, offer your support and listen compassionately.

3. Memorialize Your Pet

Create a small memorial to honor your pet. Share photos, stories, and memories. This act of remembrance helps maintain a connection with your beloved animal, especially during the painful days following their passing. You might also write a letter expressing gratitude and love, which can be especially helpful for children. Writing provides a creative outlet for sadness and reinforces that your pet’s memory continues to live on. For children, drawing pictures of their pet or even receiving a letter from their pet can be comforting. I remember when my young child struggled with the sudden loss of our dog, Milo—I even wrote a humorous “letter from Milo” about his adventures in heaven, which brought smiles and comfort.

4. Practice Rituals

Engage in rituals to honor your pet. In Chinese tradition, during the Hungry Ghost Festival, people burn paper models of comforts like clothes, cars, or gadgets to support their loved ones in the afterlife. You can adapt this idea for your pet—drawing or creating paper representations of their favorite toys or foods. For example, I once sent Milo a paper steak to avoid the diet he jokingly “needed” in heaven. These rituals create a sense of ongoing connection and help process grief.

5. Allow Space for Your Grief

Avoid rushing to replace your pet with another right away. Doing so can confuse children and suggest that grief is something to be avoided or that feelings should be suppressed. Instead, when you’re ready, discuss with your family about welcoming another pet—this thoughtful approach ensures everyone is prepared to form a new bond without dismissing the depth of their feelings.

6. Nurture Yourself and Your Family

Losing a pet is often devastating. Be gentle with yourself and your loved ones during this difficult time. Remember, you have lost a dear friend and part of your family. Respect your emotions and honor the love and companionship your pet shared with you.

#Bereavement
#PetDeath

 

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Angela Watkins is a psychologist and counsellor at RED DOOR Counselling in Hong Kong. Her current clinical work focuses on parenting, family life, parenting SEN children, anxiety, OCD, career change, stress management and divorce.